5 Tinder tricks that men use

Do you have a Tinder account? Lucky you! It is worthwhile to have it for some observation regarding how men behave.

Tinder is a great tool for people-watching without leaving your home or your bed. Many ask the million-dollar question “Can I meet a normal guy on Tinder?”. You know, the one who could be a good material to create a relationship. I think all is possible, but first, you need to do some sorting to find such a guy. 

tinder games

Men play mind games on women. Especially on Tinder.  Let’s play their game today, shall we? 

So, what are the Tinder tricks men use? 

Men, just like women, have their tricks when it comes to their self-presentation. Women usually put make-up on, dress up, look good and talk nice. How do men play?

1. LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE 

How to identify: pictures of an older man. White-hair fellow on the beach or attending a vintage car show.

Bio: Age: 39. Real Age: 49 at least. 

Men think that in order to get a woman, they need to lie about their age. Somehow, they think that women wouldn’t like age difference bigger than 5 years. That’s not true. I think a healthy age difference for a relationship to work shouldn’t be bigger than 10-11 years. There are some exceptions to this rule, but they are exceptions, not a standard. 

2. SAY THEY DON’T HAVE CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS 

How to identify: photos of him posing with kids, especially small ones. 

Bio: “That’s my niece”.

The goal of this trick is to make the woman think: “Aww! He’s so good with children”, or “He has experience with children, he’ll make a good father”. Hiding his children or pretending not to have them, is a weak play. 

We, women, appreciate when men talk sincerely about their past, their ex relationships or their children. This shows that they acknowledge what they’ve been through, and they don’t cut themselves from their past, especially when we talk about children. 

3. PLAY JAMES BOND 

How to identify: posing in posh clubs with girls out of their league, posing with good-looking friends, in front of a BMW or a Maserati.

Bio: Just having fun on this ride called life!

I understand men want to show their status, but sometimes they really cross the line of good taste. Do you have a Maserati? That’s great. But you don’t need to post it on Tinder. 

Men who post pics from the clubs, with many good-looking women, usually have low self-esteem. If you’re a real man, you don’t need to prove and show it on pics that women fall for you. 

4. SHOW A GOOD HEART 

Do you have a Tinder account? Lucky you! It is worthwhile to have it for some observation regarding how men behave. Tinder is a great tool for people-watching without leaving your home or your bed. Many ask the million-dollar question “Can I meet a normal guy on Tinder?”. You know, the one who could be a good material to create a relationship. I think all is possible, but first you need to do some sorting to find such a guy. Men play mind games on women. Especially on Tinder. Let’s play their game today, shall we? So, what are the Tinder tricks men use? Men, just like women, have their tricks when it comes to their self-presentation. Women usually put a make-up on, dress up, look good and talk nice. How do men play? LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE How to identify: pictures of an older man. White-hair fellow on the beach or attending a vintage car show. Bio: Age: 39. Real Age: 49 at least. Men think that in order to get a woman, they need to lie about their age. Somehow, they think that women wouldn’t like age difference bigger than 5 years. That’s not true. I think a healthy age difference for a relationship to work shouldn’t be bigger than 10-11 years. There are some exceptions to this rule, but they are exceptions not a standard. SAY THEY DON’T HAVE CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS How to identify: photos of him posing with kids, especially small ones. Bio: “That’s my niece”. The goal of this trick is to make the woman think: “Aww! He’s so good with children”, or “He has experience with children, he’ll make a good father”. Hiding his children or pretending not to have them, is a weak play. We, women, appreciate when men talk sincerely about their past, their ex relationships or their children. This shows that they acknowledge what they’ve been through and they don’t cut themselves from their past, especially when we talk about children. PLAY JAMES BOND How to identify: posing in posh clubs with girls out of their league, posing with good-looking friends, in front of a BMW or a Maserati. Bio: Just having fun on this ride called life! I understand men want to show their status, but sometimes they really cross the line of good taste. Do you have a Maserati? That’s great. But you don’t need to post it on Tinder. Men who post pics from the clubs, with many good-looking women, usually have low self-esteem. If you’re a real man, you don’t need to prove and show it on pics that women fall for you. SHOW A GOOD HEART How to identify: man holding a sweet kitten in his arms, or a guy posting a selfie with his dog. Bio: Animal-lover. Men think that by posting a pic with their dog or cat (or even a borrowed one) you will say “oh so cute!” and swipe right. While it’s ok to post one pic with the dog, it’s not okay to have a full Tinder gallery of ‘dog selfies”. Woman would spot your good heart when she meets you and not by seeing your cute pets. PLAY AN ADVENTURER How to identify: posts pictures from his trips from all over the world Bio: a free spirit traveling the world Adventurer wants to show how cool and free he is. By posting pics from all the luxurious resorts and white-sand beaches, he shows his ‘interesting’ lifestyle and hopes women will find him a contemporary ‘Indiana Jones’. Travel pics are okay with one exception – too much is no good. If you’re dating on Tinder, I have one piece of advice for you. Never consider anything real until it’s real. Is he taking you out? Do you meet regularly? Is he texting you? If the answer is “no”, then maybe you should consider investing your time somewhere else or into someone else. Men play tinder games. What’s your game?

How to identify: a man holding a sweet kitten in his arms, or a guy posting a selfie with his dog. 

Bio: Animal-lover. 

Men think that by posting a pic with their dog or cat (or even a borrowed one) you will say “oh so cute!” and swipe right. 

While it’s ok to post one pic with the dog, it’s not okay to have a full Tinder gallery of ‘dog selfies”. Woman would spot your good heart when she meets you and not by seeing your cute pets. 

5. PLAY AN ADVENTURER 

How to identify: posts pictures from his trips from all over the world

Bio: a free spirit traveling the world

Adventurer wants to show how cool and free he is. By posting pics from all the luxurious resorts and white-sand beaches, he shows his ‘interesting’ lifestyle and hopes women will find him a contemporary ‘Indiana Jones’. 

Travel pics are okay with one exception – too much is no good. 

If you’re dating on Tinder, I have one piece of advice for you. Never consider anything real until it’s real. Is he taking you out? Do you meet regularly? Is he texting you?  If the answer is “no”, then maybe you should consider investing your time somewhere else or into someone else. 

Men play tinder games. What’s your game? 

Is love enough to build a happy relationship?

I met Martha at a party in Kaufleuten club in Zurich on a rainy Saturday evening. We had a ‘girls talk’ over a White Russian. She was in a tough relationship which brought lots of troubles and worries. She said: “The most important is that we love each other”. 

Hell yeah, I thought. As if love could fix it all…

LOVE IS NOT A CURE 

You can call me the most unromantic person in the world, but love cannot fix troubles in your relationship. You cannot sit around, unhappy, thinking that love to your partner will heal all problems. 

Love will neither fix you nor bring you permanent happiness. It won’t heal your traumas. Sometimes you need a visit at the shrink’s office to heal yourself and not a person who sleeps next to you and calls you ‘darling’. Love is not a plaster you put on your skin when you hurt yourself. 

Why love is not enough for a relationship to succeed?

If love to your man is the first thing that matters to you in your relationship, then ask yourself a question.

  • What is there apart from love? 
  • What other qualities does your relationship have? 
  • What are the common values of you and your partner?
  • Do you share a similar view on things and life in general? 
  • Do you both want to have a family and kids? 
  • What are the common goals and life plans of you and your partner?

LOVE IS MATHEMATICS

Sometimes I meet women who crave and beg for love. When they meet a guy, they fall in love straight away and think about the love that they will get from their partner. Love blinds them. They cannot see who the guy really is and figure out if he only says that he ‘loves’ or he actually does it. 

“I just wanna be loved” attitude is very dangerous for women. Love is an important part of a relationship, but you cannot sacrifice everything for it. Any relationship consists of many parts. There’s one part called ‘liking each other’, another one called ‘respect’, the next one ‘common values’ and so on. 

So, what is love? Love is an addition.

love is not enough

First of all, you need to take care of yourself. Your state of mind. Your shit. You need to love yourself before you love another person. You cannot get water out of a stone. If you don’t love yourself, there’s a low probability that you will be successful in loving another person. It’s pure mathematics. 0 love times 1 equals 0. You cannot give what you don’t have in yourself. 

In romantic comedies, people who meet each other, first, need to overcome some obstacles (job challenges, personal challenges, etc) before they are finally together. They don’t go into a relationship only because no one else came their way. 

They don’t bring into their relationship shitty patterns from their family of origin or exuberant expectations. First, they deal with their own shit, before they turn their relationship into a ‘relationshit’. 

Better to be in a ship with the other person than in a shit… It makes a whole lot of difference. 

A good relationship does not come wrapped in a ribbon

When I ask people how they met they start telling me that the time stood still, and they immediately knew that was ‘it’. Love at first sight. Biochemical cocktail of love & attraction.

Usually, in these moments I say: “Whoa. Hold your horses. Beginnings are always like the golden age of America. Like the first episode of your favorite Netflix series. Excitement and curiosity. All until the time you both advance to the second series called “Ups and downs” or “Storms and calms”.

relationship equals effort
The love and feelings you get from your beloved are not a gift neatly wrapped in a ribbon that is there to last forever.

It’s rather credit for a foundation on which to build something that matters.
Many couples part in the 5th or 7th year of their relationship. Love burn-out. They don’t know why they are together. They look at his or her beloved sleeping in bed, wondering why they decided to start this relationship. Wondering what went wrong and when.

Usually, it takes a couple of years for a couple to part. What happens then? A new love cycle begins. A new partner, butterflies in the stomach and love, that lasts only for some time…

Usually, this pattern of 5 or 7-year lasting relationship have couples who didn’t make it through the “storms and calms” and who forgot to build strong fundaments. They were so happy that they have this person, and they thought that ‘love’ will fix it all. That love will make it work. Unfortunately, love alone doesn’t guarantee a long-lasting relationship.

Love equals work. Yes. That’s the way it is. I can see your surprised faces now 🙂 Love is always about two totally different people coming together. Different backgrounds, different families, sometimes even different countries. You need to put your sleeves up and dig in to make it work. To build the fundaments for it to flourish.

Is it easy? Rather not. But one thing is sure – Santa Claus brings gifts only to children. The grown-ups make gifts by themselves, thanks to their work, attention, and experience.

Love is never about “meeting the right person”. Even if you meet your Mr/Mrs. Right, there’s still some work to be done.

relationship requires effort

There’s a song by The O’Jays – “Now that we found love what are we gonna do with it”. Think for a moment. What are you going to DO with your love?

All fables end with “they married and lived happily ever after”. Real life has nothing to do with a fable. The ups and downs happen even in the happiest relationship. But if you have a strong pillar on which you have built your love, no storm or hurricane will ever destroy it.

Care for your love every day. Just like you brush your teeth. Let it become a habit.

Valentine’s Day is approaching. We are bombarded with adverts of sexy lingerie, heart-shaped chocolates, and red roses. All good restaurants in Zurich are booked out for this Friday evening. People hoard to celebrate love. At least one day per year.

It’s actually a great idea to celebrate love. But maybe without all this marketing. Realizing that each day is a good day to celebrate love. Not only 14th February.

Wishing you wonderful days full of love,

Aleksandra