Did you give too much and the man left you?

Many women contact me and tell me “I gave him everything, I was so good to him, and then he left me. Why did this happen? What’s wrong with me?“. If you overserve and agree for crumbles of love, crumbles of attention – this is what usually happens. Shifting your own plans for the sake of dating. Being too much available and accepting bad manners and bad behavior from the side of men, because you’re „a good girl”.

“Good girls go the heaven, bad girls to hell” – would you agree? Me – definitely not.

ARE YOU A GOOD GIRL?

How it comes that good girls usually suffer? I coach women a lot. And I’ve noticed that kind of paradigm that women want to be nice to the man. They want to offer a lot. They want to be themselves and try too much so that the relationship can work.

So, what is wrong about that?

Have ever wondered why you have offered so much, you have been a good, nice girl, and then the guy dumps you or he is not interested in you. Or he ignores your text messages.

Well, that is the main issue of being a good girl. You are a nice woman. But do you still live according to your values?

THE BIGGEST MISTAKE THAT A GOOD GIRL DOES

A good girl

I think that there are many women out there, who are single, feel lonely or simply want to have a true and loving relationship. And that’s why they’re letting men to overstep their boundaries or to ignore them. And they are being too nice afterward.

Let’s say, that two days ago you’ve proposed a meeting to a guy. To go to a cinema or a café, or enjoy a meal and a glass of red wine. And then you write to him to confirm, that it is still on for the evening.

And then the guy texts you back the very same day the meeting is gonna be held. The very same day, during lunchtime the guy informs you, that actually it could have been better if you met tomorrow. And then you think that maybe he has something urgent to do.

But well, you’ve proposed this meeting 3 days ago and he texts me in the last moment to inform me, that he cancels.

And then, like a good girl, as a nice woman you tend to justify him:

„Maybe he has a visit to a doctor, maybe he is tired after work, so I will shift my own meeting and make time for him tomorrow night”.

This is the mistake number one that you do when it comes to shifting your own plans and pleasing another person. This is what you are doing when you’re canceling your own plans only because a guy you’ve been dating says, he cancels for the very last moment. And asks you to make the next day.

So this is about being too much available.

You give yourself, you are so nice that you want to please the guy. And of course, there is nothing wrong with pleasing a guy, but it’s like with cookies, a chocolate or a cake. Piece by piece, you cannot eat the whole chocolate at once. Because then you will feel very bad. On a standard daily basis, you wouldn’t do that. You would take a piece, but not the full one. 

STOP GIVING TOO MUCH

So, imagine.

  • If you are too nice to guys,
  • if you accept such behavior like canceling the very last minute, postponing or texting us the very same they that they cannot make it,
  • if you agree to everything they propose later on, although you’ve already made some plans (or even if your plan was to stay long in bed and read a book you wanted to read), 

Then you give too much.

Too much for someone who is not ready to invest, for someone who is not ready to keep his word, for someone, who cancels a meeting with you the very last moment. 

STOP HURTING YOURSELF

I know that each one of us, women, has been through these moments of being a very good girl. But all I want you to know is that being nice or too nice, or accepting everything means hurting yourself. Because if you are too nice to a guy, you kind of try to validate yourself. You are feeling so insecure inside, that you just want to be good enough, wonderful, and so on. 

But this is not the right way to do so.

First, you need to build up your own self-confidence. Because you need to love yourself the way you are. Being nice is okay up to a limit. And each person has his or her own limits. And of course, we want to be loved and cherished. We want to have a true connection with our partners. And yes, we are ready to invest a lot.

But when you invest your time and energy in someone, just observe if you don’t agree for too much. Especially if the guy cancels or if he does not respond to your requests or emails. 

Recently, I’ve also had a case when a guy texted me and I proposed a meeting under certain conditions. And then he totally ignored the message and came up with something different. So, this shows a lack of respect.

So a lesson learned is that nice women suffer. But not because of the guy. Because of their own lack of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. Of trusting themselves and not giving too much to the other person.

How to stop criticizing yourself?

We pass by a shop window and criticize our looks. We get up in the morning, look in the mirror and tell ourselves how ugly/fat/swollen we are. How to change that and start your days with positive and loving thoughts about yourself? How to stop criticizing yourself and learn to love yourself instead? I reveal two powerful techniques that can change your life by changing your attitude towards yourself.

In this video we’re gonna talk about a relationship with yourself and how to stop criticizing yourself. Nowadays I see many people who tend to criticize themselves too much. And it is also my case.

Why do you do it? Have you ever asked yourself this question?

I like to observe people. Sometimes I see women who go shopping on a shopping street. And when their passing by a shop window, they take a look at themselves just to see if they look ok.

And we are just doing it every day. But the worst thing is that we always find something that we don’t like.

Like:

Oh my god, my hair is not so good today”,

I look a little bit too fat, I need to go on a diet“,

I could dress a little bit better because this doesn’t suit me“.

And then you go further your way. But what is happening in your brain, is that you tell yourself bad things about yourself, you criticize yourself, you are unable to say: “I look really good! I am a very beautiful woman“.

No, you do quite the opposite.

Instead of appreciating yourself, you look in a shop window or a mirror and criticize yourself for what you think you don’t have (or what you think you have wrong). Like your body weight or your complexion. Maybe your skin is not perfect or your hair is messy – sounds familiar?

  • But is it necessary?
  • Do you need to criticize yourself?
  • Why do you do it?

And the answer is: because you don’t love yourself. And I think that loving yourself is one of the most important things in your life.

Why?

That is a good question. Especially we, women, give our love to the outside world. We tend to love our husbands, partners or children. We inspire others. But then, when it comes to relationships with ourselves – we simply can’t do it. We criticize ourselves. We keep asking those questions:

“Honey, do I look good in this dress? I think that I am too fat, I think, I have put on weight”.

And this is very sad. Also because I know it from my own experience. I’ve also had some issues with the lack of self-acceptance. And it is not a pleasant feeling.

HOW TO STOP CRITICIZING YOURSELF? LEARN MY METHODS

That’s why I want to present you with a tool, with a technique which will help you to stop torturing yourself. It is a small exercise that you can do every day and it doesn’t require extra time or effort.

You can do it at home or each time when you go to work, for shopping or dinner outside. Whenever you pass a mirror or shop window, or in the ladies room at your workplace – take a look into yourself.

Look yourself in the eyes and:

  • Try to tell yourself that you are beautiful.
  • Try to find what are you happy about today with your looks.

Like:

You know, my hair is looking good today“,

Those shadows on my eyes are really beautiful“,

I have a lovely smile, my eyes are sparkling!“.

How to stop criticizing yourself

You will always find something that you like about yourself. So don’t start your day with negative thoughts. Life is all about making choices. And the first choice starts in our thoughts.

If you love yourself, you decrease the number of thoughts that worry you, conclusions that make you harm.

How do you feel when you keep telling yourself: “Oh gosh, I really look fat!“? Does it make you feel good? For sure not.

So stop doing it. Stop criticizing yourself.

The second exercise is for those of you who would like to spend more time cherishing yourself. Every day write down in your notebook what do I like about yourself.

Let’s say:

  • I am intelligent,
  • I am a wise woman,
  • I am very warm,
  • I cook delicious food,
  • I am a beautiful woman.

Try to compile, to pull things you like about yourself. Stick this list to a fridge or a mirror and take a look at it every morning. Instead of looking in the mirror and telling yourself bad things try to read your list, smile to yourself and notice what do you like about yourself at this moment.

Believe me, it is a very powerful exercise. Try it.

And share it with those who need it as well.