Why coaching doesn’t always work?

Have you been to a coach and nothing changed after? Discover three reasons why coaching doesn’t work for you.

1. You are not willing to change. 

You hang on to your old beliefs and your comfort zone. Don’t feel like learning something new. Ultimately, your life is not so bad, is it? Maybe it’s now either wonderful, but you’re making it through. You feel you could try to enroll in a coaching program, but then you discover how much work it is and you simply give up. Old habits take the lead. 

Change is always painful. Take working on your diet. You want to lose 7 kg. So you introduce sport, healthy snacks, constant watching over what you eat. Avoiding temptations on your way like your favorite chocolate ice cream. And it’s not easy. It’s tough work. Saying ‘no’ to sweets and couch sitting and ‘Netflixing’. 

When we change we give up one of our life patterns. Part of ourselves that we want to change. You need a strong motivation to do it. 

2. You expect a huge change.

why coaching doesn't always work

You signed up for a famous coach. Hurray! You are excited and you can’t wait to start. You think your life will be divided into BEFORE and AFTER coaching. Full of hopes and expectations you picture your life changed at 180 degrees after coaching.  Like a fairy tale. 

Whoa! Hold your horses. When you hold high expectations from a coach you think someone else will magically solve your problems. But the truth is: you are responsible for your coaching. A coach can just help you, show you your problems and their background but everything else is your responsibility. So if you have a job you hate it is your responsibility to change it. A coach can help you with different methods of working on your issue,  but he will not do it for you. Coaching doesn’t fix it all. Better not to expect too much but to start rolling up your sleeves and doing the work. 

3. “I know it all” attitude. 

So you think that all the coaches speak about the same stuff. How to love yourself, how to find a better job, how to change. You’ve listened to tons of free videos on YouTube and you think you know it all. 

Listening to videos, reading motivational books, and going on retreats won’t work because it’s just a theory. In order to change something in your life, you will need to put it into practice. You will need to commit to making coaching exercises and making time for that. Just the way you commit yourself to go to a gym two times a week. 

Have you ever tried coaching? Did it work for you?  

How to know if you’ve married the wrong person?

People marry for all the possible reasons. But one of the greatest is love. 

After a rosy dating period of two years, John married Nicole, to her great happiness. She liked everything about him. They enjoyed great sex together and endless conversations over a cup of morning coffee or a glass of red wine in the evening. Years passed by and John was losing respect in Nicole’s eyes. He stopped being the ‘crazy John’, full of ideas for adventures, and instead, he became a couch potato. He had to commute to a job which he didn’t enjoy and all of this had an effect on his marriage. He grew angry with the whole world, unable to be happy about anything and complaining.

Nicole while loading the dishwasher said to herself: “I have married the wrong person. Or had I?”

How to find out if you married the wrong person?

Let go of the one and only Prince Charming

Usually, women dream of a knight on a white horse which is an ideal, that doesn’t exist. The truth is we all marry the wrong person. For some reason, after the rosy period of the first dates, especially when we live together, we see the flaws, the lacks, and the problems of our partner. 

The thing is, we don’t need to straightaway abandon our partner, just because he doesn’t live up to the prince charming. Hollywood romantic movies are not based on reality. Personally, I know no couple who is perfect and who would be like straight from the movie scene. It’s the gap between expectation and reality that generates your life’s disappointments. 

happy mariage

Learn acceptance 

Switch off Netflix and switch on your brain. Learn to accept your partner the way he or she is. 

Even if before marriage you looked like a model and your hobby pumped up in the gym and now, in your fifties, you both have a beer belly, that’s alright. Time passes by and our bodies change. Instead of calling your partner fat, show him understanding and compassion. Maybe even you could both decide to try jogging together? Remember that both men and women want to feel accepted and cherished, despite the circumstances. 

Communicate 

Many couples don’t talk to each other. Stressful lives and careers, commuting, and bringing up children often leaves us with no space for intimate conversation. When people marry, buy a house, and have children they tend to run an enterprise together. An enterprise called marriage. They are like business partners setting up the details of the kids’ education, grocery shopping, holidays, and house cleaning. 

Intimate conversation is crucial to mutual understanding. Both partners need to know what is happening in the heart of the other. Then, you can easily spot the signals, which contribute to so many couples parting. You can be observant, learn to talk about your needs if they are neglected. Learn to listen to your partner and his needs. Good communication and intimacy prevent your marriage from becoming an enterprise. Conversation brings people closer and ties the bonds. 

There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage. We often marry persons who show us our lacks and mirror our attitude to ourselves and to the external world. Maybe it runs in your family. Maybe your father divorced when he was 45 and now you catch yourself on the thought that you repeated his scenario. 

All people who come into our lives teach us something. Happy marriages are those in which partners don’t have huge expectations, respect each other, accept themselves the way they are, and communicate.

Is there anything you would add to it?

With love,

Aleksandra