Are you a strong woman looking for love? You have a good job, a nice apartment, you’re bright and super-intelligent but there’s no man around you? If you answer yes to this question, then this article is for you.
Strong woman. Who is she?
Times have changed. Now women can work, earn the same or even more than men. They became more independent and flexible. Is this wrong? Not at all. A strong woman looking for love is no different. So where is the problem?
I guess you remember Miranda from “Sex and the city”. A successful lawyer who pursued her career at a big law firm in New York. She thought being intelligent and wise was a key to who she was. She was insisting on doing everything on her own and wouldn’t let any man into her close circle of friends. This was an I-CAN-DO-IT-ALL woman. Now, look at her relationships with men. What kind of men was she attracting? Did she have luck in love? I doubt so.
There are plenty of Mirandas walking down the street not only in New York but also in Zurich, Berlin, or Warsaw. Successful women with no success with men. Well-dressed, independent, happy with their careers, drinking wine during lonely nights spent at their fancy apartments. All alone. With no men around.
Why is it more challenging for strong women to look for love?
There might be a couple of psychological reasons for this. You need to be aware of what men are searching for in a woman. They are not searching for the qualities that they, as men, already have, like courage, physical strength, or being in an action-mode. They want a woman. What are the qualities that women have while men don’t? Warmth, beauty, sweetness, caring, sensuality. Now ask yourself frankly if you bring these qualities to the table. Honestly.
A strong woman looking for love won’t be successful in finding one if she plays a Miranda. Men won’t come to you if you show them how perfect you are, how more successful you are, or how much more money you make. Or if you boast that you can even change a flat tire in your car.
Man needs to feel needed. If you can do without him, then no man will approach you. What for?! Being a strong woman is an oxymoron. Strong man – yes, this adjective suits men very well. Men had to fight wars, carry wood, have lots of physical strength to protect their families.
But a strong woman?! A woman can be delicate, feminine, loving, beautiful, caring, lovely. Somehow “strong” does not sound right here.
How to find love if you are a strong woman?
In my therapy practice, I often see that the pattern of strong women can be inherited. Maybe your mother was the stronger one in her marriage. Maybe she was leading the relationship and she was in charge of everything, including if telling your father to buy a sedan car instead of a sports one.
The first thing you can do when you search for love is to stop calling yourself a ‘strong woman’. Just be a woman. Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability and feminine sides. Life is not all about career, success, and action. Leave it aside in your conversations with men.
The second thing is honoring men. Don’t criticize them or prove that they are wrong. Don’t behave like a mother and dictate all the terms. Learn to respect men the way they are. Start with respecting your father or male colleagues at work. With time you will see how the world around you changes. When you put your Miranda style aside you will attract a new type of men.
Listen to my video about how women psychologically castrate men to learn more about the mistakes that women do in relationships.