The crisis of masculinity. What happened to the real men?

The crisis of masculinity. What happened to the real men?

Women complain that nowadays men are weak. Do we have a crisis of masculinity? What happened to the real men? Why men are getting weaker and women are getting stronger? Is there a common definition of how a man should be?

The beauty of biological sex 

I always get touched when I see small girls dressed in pink. Recently I saw a mother with a daughter wearing pinky shoes with a unicorn. There’s still the tradition of the pink and blue color of baby’s clothes, depending on his or her sex. We come to this world either as a man or as a woman. We don’t choose our biological sex. It is something given to us by nature. We are equal but different. This difference was created for a purpose. I find nothing wrong in celebrating the birth of a boy in blue and a girl in pink. Gender is our secret power. There’s nothing more beautiful than a feminine woman and a masculine man. Jing and yang. 

Why do we have a crisis of masculinity?

crisis of masculinity

When the world focuses on women’s rights we lose the perspective of men and how it affects them. Very often men have nothing or little to say. A great example might be divorce and custody of children. In 90% of the cases, the court orders the children to stay with the mother. The fathers are allowed to visit their children once in two weeks, depending on the case.

What psychological impact does it have on men and their children?

The children have less access to the father figure. Scientific studies say that parental care, the mother and father roles, plays the most crucial role in bringing up a psychologically healthy child. No mother can ever substitute a father for her child. 

Another example are kindergartens and schools.

90% of the teachers are female. Feminists postulate more women in the governing bodies of companies and in the Management Board. Fair enough. But why don’t we have more men in child care services? If we speak about equality why don’t we consider the professions where men are in the minority?

“Sit still”, “be quiet”, “don’t run around” – how often do we hear these words addressed to boys in kindergartens? Why do we expect the boys to behave like girls, although the masculine nature is different? Aggression, exploration, and adventure are all parts of masculine strength.

The ability to:

  • set borders,
  • explore,
  • protect and speak up when something is wrong or when someone is hurt.

Nowadays, male kids are discouraged from being wild and exploring themselves and their manhood. 

Then, as grown-up women, we wonder what happened to the real men? The ability to protect, provide for the family, speak up, being strong both physically and mentally. Weak men, who sit all day on the couch fixated on their play station. In the world of the dreamland. Living the least attractive version of themselves. 

There exist many sources of the crisis of masculinity. One of them is the generation of single moms bringing up a boy, who has no access to his masculinity (no father figure). Such men have less idea of what it means to be a man. To have masculine qualities. To spend time in a masculine environment. And to have a strong bond with their fathers. 

I truly hope men can restore their connection to the masculine. Be it with spending time with other men or with their fathers. Learning at the source. When you accept and love your father, you accept the masculinity within you. 

Therapist. Observer of reality. Lover of life. Living in Zurich, Switzerland. She teaches others how to change their life for better. Aleksandra is a certified family constellations therapist and art therapist.

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