Strong woman looking for love

Are you a strong woman looking for love? You have a good job, a nice apartment, you’re bright and super-intelligent but there’s no man around you? If you answer yes to this question, then this article is for you.

Strong woman. Who is she?

Times have changed. Now women can work, earn the same or even more than men. They became more independent and flexible. Is this wrong? Not at all. A strong woman looking for love is no different. So where is the problem?  

I guess you remember Miranda from “Sex and the city”. A successful lawyer who pursued her career at a big law firm in New York. She thought being intelligent and wise was a key to who she was. She was insisting on doing everything on her own and wouldn’t let any man into her close circle of friends. This was an I-CAN-DO-IT-ALL woman. Now, look at her relationships with men. What kind of men was she attracting? Did she have luck in love? I doubt so. 

There are plenty of Mirandas walking down the street not only in New York but also in Zurich, Berlin, or Warsaw. Successful women with no success with men. Well-dressed, independent, happy with their careers, drinking wine during lonely nights spent at their fancy apartments. All alone. With no men around. 

Why is it more challenging for strong women to look for love?

Strong Woman Plantation of Creativity

There might be a couple of psychological reasons for this. You need to be aware of what men are searching for in a woman. They are not searching for the qualities that they, as men, already have, like courage, physical strength, or being in an action-mode. They want a woman. What are the qualities that women have while men don’t? Warmth, beauty, sweetness, caring, sensuality. Now ask yourself frankly if you bring these qualities to the table. Honestly. 

A strong woman looking for love won’t be successful in finding one if she plays a Miranda. Men won’t come to you if you show them how perfect you are, how more successful you are, or how much more money you make. Or if you boast that you can even change a flat tire in your car. 

Man needs to feel needed. If you can do without him, then no man will approach you. What for?! Being a strong woman is an oxymoron. Strong man – yes, this adjective suits men very well. Men had to fight wars, carry wood, have lots of physical strength to protect their families. 

But a strong woman?! A woman can be delicate, feminine, loving, beautiful, caring, lovely. Somehow “strong” does not sound right here. 

How to find love if you are a strong woman?

In my therapy practice, I often see that the pattern of strong women can be inherited. Maybe your mother was the stronger one in her marriage. Maybe she was leading the relationship and she was in charge of everything, including if telling your father to buy a sedan car instead of a sports one. 

The first thing you can do when you search for love is to stop calling yourself a ‘strong woman’. Just be a woman. Don’t be afraid to show your vulnerability and feminine sides. Life is not all about career, success, and action. Leave it aside in your conversations with men. 

The second thing is honoring men. Don’t criticize them or prove that they are wrong. Don’t behave like a mother and dictate all the terms. Learn to respect men the way they are. Start with respecting your father or male colleagues at work. With time you will see how the world around you changes. When you put your Miranda style aside you will attract a new type of men. 

Listen to my video about how women psychologically castrate men to learn more about the mistakes that women do in relationships.

Why coaching doesn’t always work?

Have you been to a coach and nothing changed after? Discover three reasons why coaching doesn’t work for you.

1. You are not willing to change. 

You hang on to your old beliefs and your comfort zone. Don’t feel like learning something new. Ultimately, your life is not so bad, is it? Maybe it’s now either wonderful, but you’re making it through. You feel you could try to enroll in a coaching program, but then you discover how much work it is and you simply give up. Old habits take the lead. 

Change is always painful. Take working on your diet. You want to lose 7 kg. So you introduce sport, healthy snacks, constant watching over what you eat. Avoiding temptations on your way like your favorite chocolate ice cream. And it’s not easy. It’s tough work. Saying ‘no’ to sweets and couch sitting and ‘Netflixing’. 

When we change we give up one of our life patterns. Part of ourselves that we want to change. You need a strong motivation to do it. 

2. You expect a huge change.

why coaching doesn't always work

You signed up for a famous coach. Hurray! You are excited and you can’t wait to start. You think your life will be divided into BEFORE and AFTER coaching. Full of hopes and expectations you picture your life changed at 180 degrees after coaching.  Like a fairy tale. 

Whoa! Hold your horses. When you hold high expectations from a coach you think someone else will magically solve your problems. But the truth is: you are responsible for your coaching. A coach can just help you, show you your problems and their background but everything else is your responsibility. So if you have a job you hate it is your responsibility to change it. A coach can help you with different methods of working on your issue,  but he will not do it for you. Coaching doesn’t fix it all. Better not to expect too much but to start rolling up your sleeves and doing the work. 

3. “I know it all” attitude. 

So you think that all the coaches speak about the same stuff. How to love yourself, how to find a better job, how to change. You’ve listened to tons of free videos on YouTube and you think you know it all. 

Listening to videos, reading motivational books, and going on retreats won’t work because it’s just a theory. In order to change something in your life, you will need to put it into practice. You will need to commit to making coaching exercises and making time for that. Just the way you commit yourself to go to a gym two times a week. 

Have you ever tried coaching? Did it work for you?  

Single mothers and excluded fathers

There is a certain dynamic played out in contemporary society and it is called single mothers and excluded fathers. I have noticed that there are mothers who voluntarily exclude fathers from their child’s life.

There are many different life situations like the death of the father of the child, in vitro fertilization when the father is unknown. But today let me speak about mothers who restrict access of the father to the child, thus prohibiting the father to see the child, spend time with the child or take part in parenthood. Single mothers and excluded fathers is a drama in the contemporary world. Unfortunately, the numbers of single parents are increasing.

Sometimes this happens when the father has severe problems with himself – be it drug addiction, narcissistic personality, or other psychological disorders. In such cases it is understandable. Learn about most common mental health disorders in men.

But what to do if the excluded father is quite normal but his ex prohibits him to see the child?

Usually, single mothers are women who have been hurt. Their relationship didn’t work out and they live alone with a baby. They hold a grudge in their hearts against men, fathers of their children. Quite often single mothers are angry with their ex-partners or husbands. They didn’t forgive them and didn’t let go of the negative feelings or memories.

The problem is that in such a case the child will sense it. The child, subconsciously, will feel the anger of the mother towards the father. The child will feel, though not understand, that the father is a ‘bad man’ and doesn’t deserve to be loved. That’s how the dynamic single mothers and excluded fathers plays out. Remember that the child was created by two persons – a man and a woman. It consists of 2 energies – feminine and masculine.

What is the problem when you’re playing out the dynamic of single mothers and excluded fathers?

Your child growing up in such energies can develop low self-esteem. It can feel that masculinity is bad and excluded. It can sense that if the father is considered by the mother as a bad man, then the child who consists of 50% of the father can start to disrespect his own masculinity.

What happens when the child grows up without the father? Especially when the father is excluded.

Such a child will have a negative view of the father and masculinity. Father figure shows how to be a man, how to go to the outside world. Being a mother and a father are two different roles. Mother stands for femininity, nurture. Father stands for masculinity, the power to act, and taking decisions. Excluded father can contribute to exclusion of the above qualities from a child’s life.

Single mothers who are hurt can be, unfortunately, very proud. They’d rather say “I don’t want this person in my child’s life. I will grow the baby on my own” than “I will allow my ex to take care of his child”.

Usually, such behaviour stems from the family, where her mother or grandmother was a single mom or hated men. This can be worked through family constellations therapeutical method. Check out family constellations for beginners.

The child’s interest is the most important when the couple divorces or splits. Not a grudge against your ex. The child needs love and support from both parents and single motherhood with excluded father will never substitute it.

Family constellations for beginners

What are family constellations for beginners? What exactly is this method about? That’s always a tough question to explain but let me tell you a bit about it.

It didn’t start within you.

Family constellations are about healing the relationships in your family, which in turn heal you and your perception of reality.

You haven’t been born as a white sheet of paper. You come to this world IN A GIVEN FAMILY. What happened there, in the family, influences you. You might have the same emotional issues, suffer from the same diseases, or encounter the same difficulties of finding the right partner, just as an example.

These are the so-called patterns or emotional blockages. Dynamics and unconscious scenarios according to which you respond in a given situation. Take, for example, the dynamic of giving too much. Did you give too much and the man left you? The key in family constellations is to heal it, so that we are not burdening the next generation with our problems and blockages.

Genetics and epigenetics. What does it have to do with family constellations?

As you know we inherit many characteristics after our ancestors, like the eyes or hair color and body structure. I bet you heard a couple of times that ‘you look like your mother’ or ‘you have your father’s eyes.

Epigenetics says that we inherit also the emotions and traumas, that our ancestors didn’t deal with. We have the same reactions, the same challenges. For example, constant lack of money, unhappy relationships, divorced women left alone with children. See here how parents’ emotional trauma may change their children’s biology.

Now the question comes: why should I care about my ancestors problems? Why should they be transmitted to me and why should I be the one to deal with them?

Our bond with ancestors is something unique in the scale of human relationships and interactions. Due to the fact that we are not born as a tabula rasa, we get the ‘download’ from our parents and ancestors. Family constellations for beginners teach us that our parents created us. We are part of them if we like it or not. I don’t try to say here that if our parents and grandparents had cancer, we are also gonna get it. No. This depends if we inherit their ‘way of thinking and reacting’ or we take the power to change it.

In the family history, it might have happened that our grandmother got pregnant during the war and her husband was killed or escaped. This might influence the next generations, for example, her granddaughter is a single mother. The pattern plays out again but in different circumstances. Why do we repeat the fate of our parents? Listen to my free webinar on this subject:

We are not separated beings. We are connected to each other. And family constellations profoundly prove so and give us the tool to change these dynamics and start creating your own ones.

The best way to learn it, is to experience it on your own skin.

My boss doesn’t give me a raise

My boss doesn’t give me a raise although I work hard. I bet you know this. Have you ever heard about the Tiara Syndrome? It’s a special psychological term used to describe the belief that if you do everything properly, in your job, at home, etc. someone is going to appreciate it and put a crown on your head. 

Sheryl Sandberg cited “The Tiara Syndrome” in her book “Lean in”.

You sit quietly, you do your job the best you can and you think your boss is going to notice that and he will give you a pay raise. Usually, nothing like this happens.

My boss doesn’t appreciate me. He never gives me a raise. 

Check five signs your boss doesn’t appreciate you. So often you heard “sit quiet and do your job and they will notice you”. That’s what I’ve heard. So you sit, work long hours and wait and wait and expect that your time for ‘crowning’ will come. But it never comes. No raise, no good words from the boss but an increasing frustration. 

So many working women struggle with the Tiara Syndrome. 

  • What to do if you notice that your work is not appreciated though you deliver your best? 
  • What to do if you got stuck in your career being on the same junior position for 5 years? 

Take your fate in your own hands. Leave the job. Don’t wait for the crown, because you can wait forever. Stop complaining and cheating yourself. “My boss doesn’t give me a raise, so I’ll prove myself to him and work even harder” – you really wanna do that after spending 5 or 7 years at this job? Sometimes the best solution is to leave.You know you deserve more. Take action to get it. Even if this will mean changing your job. Anyways, you wouldn’t regret such a job with no prospects, would you?

Let’s talk about relationships now. I think Tiara Syndrome can be perfectly illustrated on the example of love relationships.

Sandra met John at a common friends’ party. They exchanged the phone numbers and smiled at each other with a sparkle in the eye. She liked him a lot. “Finally!” she thought. “The man of my dreams”. John’s attitude was a bit different. He said to his best friend: “she’s cool. Let’s see what will come out of that”. What happened next?

They met three times in a cafe, in a park, in a restaurant. Then, Sandra took the initiative and invited him over to her place for dinner. She prepared a menu of 3 dishes plus the dessert and excellent red wine. She put her make up on, the best dress from her closet and thought that this was it. This was the moment she was waiting for. She expected that the guy will be head over heels in love with her. 

Was he? Nope. Do you know why?

The man was no longer interested because Sandra gave herself on a plate. She was too much focused on herself and on giving a lot, and she didn’t ask herself “What is he giving me?” Did you give too much and the man left you?

The same goes for relationships and love. We do an excellent job, looking good, and giving our hearts on a plate to a man. Especially we, women. 

We fail to see and analyze if the man appreciates us and gives us his masculine energy in exchange for our feminine. We wait and hope the guy is going to love us and pamper us later on, but we don’t see the signals saying that we gave too many cookies and fed him too much. Our cookie bakery gets closed, and we finally see what mistakes we did.

What to do about that? 

Start appreciating yourself. Give, but also take. Ask for more and if someone says he cannot give it to you – leave. Don’t be afraid to ask your boss for what you deserve. When it doesn’t function, you know what to do, right?

Overplanned in your free time?

Dominic worked a lot. After work he hit the local gym, worked out, picked some chicken sandwich with guacamole from the supermarket, hurrying up because in Switzerland they close at 21:00. Do you feel overplanned in your free time, like he? 

Mondays pushing at the gym. Tuesdays learning German at the Sprachschule. Wednesdays playing squash with his friend. Thursdays going out for dates in fancy bars and restaurants. Fridays packing his bags and departing for a weekend trip.

Overplanned – stressful consequences

 You might ask: “But what is so strange or inappropriate about it?!”

Leisure stress plantation of creativity

Nothing. But Dominic’s feelings were far from pleasant. He was constantly stressed. He needed to pack the day before, depending on which activity he will pursue on a given day. Then, traffic on the road and stress if he will make it for the date. Busy every day, all the time. After 6 months he took psychological help because he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t focus and he was constantly exhausted. 

Each one of us has free time and it is our decision what we do about it and how we shape it. However, free time means something different for us. 

Martha: “Free time is the time I have when I don’t need to be at work”.

Kevin: “I understand free time as the time when I don’t need to do anything, even cooking or cleaning”.

Jacob: “Free time does not exist. There is always something to do”.

What’s your definition of free time? Why you might experience leisure time stress and feel overplanned in your free time? Let me give you two examples of free time stress.

1. TOO MUCH ACTION

 Like Dominic, you are planned the whole week with different types of activities. You think you can do it, but the weekend comes and you’re dead from tiredness. 

2. TO LITTLE ACTION

You don’t plan your free time and when it comes, you are frightened and stressed about “but what will I do?”.

What to do to avoid leisure stress?
  • Don’t take too much on your shoulders

Let your body relax and recover. You don’t need to hit the gym every day after work.

  • Learn to rest.

Let go. Lay in bed with a book. Sleep. The world will not collapse if you rest in quiet.

  • Be gentle with yourself. 

You are not a machine but an intricate biological computer. You need TIME for everything. It also relates to resting. 

  • Find good ways to relax

Switch off your computer and phone, go out to a forest or a park. Breathe fresh air. Sometimes a change like this can bring the awakening and change.

What of you think you can plan it all and avoid stress? Learn more on the dangers of over-planning.

I deserve better

Sometimes you are in a hurting and painful relationship but you still decide to stay. You have no courage to leave this person out of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of uncomfortable feelings, fear of allowing yourself for something or someone better. How to beat your fears? How to allow yourself to have the courage to make wise decisions? In this video, I talk about being courageous in a relationship. Standing for yourself. Having the courage to file for the long-delayed divorce or having the courage to say to yourself: “I deserve better”.

In this video, with beautiful scenery of the Swiss Alps, I am gonna talk about the subject of courage. The subject of not only a personal courage, of how to be brave and courageous but also about having courage in relationships.

I deserve better

So many women and so many men don’t have what they wish for. What I mean by this is sometimes you wonder:

Should I leave this guy if he’s not good enough for me? Should I leave him? Because he’s causing me some trouble, he’s causing me some suffering, he’s not making me happy”.

And sometimes we lack the courage like I did before I came to the Gornergrat.

I have a fear of heights. I am always scared of the mountains and my record was 2000 meters about the sea level. And here we are in Zermatt, Gornergrat train station. Zermatt-Matterhorn is a majestic, beautiful mountain. And of course, I was afraid of coming to 3000 meters above the sea level. To the highest altitude hotel in Europe.

So how was I able to make it? With having fear of heights and open space?

About this fear, I want to talk today.

We all have different fears in our relationships. And we all think that it is better to have someone than to have not. And sometimes maybe you are considering getting a divorce. Sometimes you think:

“Yes, I deserve a better man”, “I deserve a better woman”.

But somehow, you lack the courage, like me here, before taking the little train up, because you may think that it is hard to breathe or uncomfortable.

I didn’t look on the train sides, because it was really going steep up and I have the fear of heights.

So you act the same way:

  • When you think that you cannot do something
  • When you cannot say and go beyond your limit
  • While you think that you don’t deserve a better partner than the one you have.

Yes, the emotions are the same as going up the Gornergrat Bahn to 3000 meters. The emotions are equal to the emotions you feel while wondering if you should leave your partner.

I deserve better

But as soon as you’ll make the decision, as soon as you’ll tell yourself: “Yes, I can do it“, “I am worth it to go up“, to see this wonderful view and beat my fears. Like you can say to yourself: “I am worth it to have a better man” or a woman, or a better, loving relationship.

Then you take the decision naturally, despite fear and despite the fact that it is hard to breathe because of the tears or your blockages. You allow yourself for it like I allowed myself or my emotions while going on the steep, little train up here to the highest hotel in Europe.

Yes, I’ve been there where you are. But I did everything I could to face and conquer my fears.

So how about you? Why don’t you have this courage in your daily life, your daily relationships? Why don’t you leave the guy or divorce him when he is not good for you? When he makes you suffer very much?

You quarrel, you come together, you come separate, you come together and so on.

If you don’t close these doors, no other doors will open. If I would not close the doors of my fears, of coming up to the Gornergrat, I would not be able to make this video and maybe to inspire you to open the new doors for you.

And this is what I wish for you today.

The courage:

  • of going your own way,
  • of respecting your own choices,
  • of making better choices for yourself.

The courage to go beyond your limits.

Thank you,

Aleksandra Bzdzikot

5 Tinder tricks that men use

Do you have a Tinder account? Lucky you! It is worthwhile to have it for some observation regarding how men behave.

Tinder is a great tool for people-watching without leaving your home or your bed. Many ask the million-dollar question “Can I meet a normal guy on Tinder?”. You know, the one who could be a good material to create a relationship. I think all is possible, but first, you need to do some sorting to find such a guy. 

tinder games

Men play mind games on women. Especially on Tinder.  Let’s play their game today, shall we? 

So, what are the Tinder tricks men use? 

Men, just like women, have their tricks when it comes to their self-presentation. Women usually put make-up on, dress up, look good and talk nice. How do men play?

1. LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE 

How to identify: pictures of an older man. White-hair fellow on the beach or attending a vintage car show.

Bio: Age: 39. Real Age: 49 at least. 

Men think that in order to get a woman, they need to lie about their age. Somehow, they think that women wouldn’t like age difference bigger than 5 years. That’s not true. I think a healthy age difference for a relationship to work shouldn’t be bigger than 10-11 years. There are some exceptions to this rule, but they are exceptions, not a standard. 

2. SAY THEY DON’T HAVE CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS 

How to identify: photos of him posing with kids, especially small ones. 

Bio: “That’s my niece”.

The goal of this trick is to make the woman think: “Aww! He’s so good with children”, or “He has experience with children, he’ll make a good father”. Hiding his children or pretending not to have them, is a weak play. 

We, women, appreciate when men talk sincerely about their past, their ex relationships or their children. This shows that they acknowledge what they’ve been through, and they don’t cut themselves from their past, especially when we talk about children. 

3. PLAY JAMES BOND 

How to identify: posing in posh clubs with girls out of their league, posing with good-looking friends, in front of a BMW or a Maserati.

Bio: Just having fun on this ride called life!

I understand men want to show their status, but sometimes they really cross the line of good taste. Do you have a Maserati? That’s great. But you don’t need to post it on Tinder. 

Men who post pics from the clubs, with many good-looking women, usually have low self-esteem. If you’re a real man, you don’t need to prove and show it on pics that women fall for you. 

4. SHOW A GOOD HEART 

Do you have a Tinder account? Lucky you! It is worthwhile to have it for some observation regarding how men behave. Tinder is a great tool for people-watching without leaving your home or your bed. Many ask the million-dollar question “Can I meet a normal guy on Tinder?”. You know, the one who could be a good material to create a relationship. I think all is possible, but first you need to do some sorting to find such a guy. Men play mind games on women. Especially on Tinder. Let’s play their game today, shall we? So, what are the Tinder tricks men use? Men, just like women, have their tricks when it comes to their self-presentation. Women usually put a make-up on, dress up, look good and talk nice. How do men play? LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE How to identify: pictures of an older man. White-hair fellow on the beach or attending a vintage car show. Bio: Age: 39. Real Age: 49 at least. Men think that in order to get a woman, they need to lie about their age. Somehow, they think that women wouldn’t like age difference bigger than 5 years. That’s not true. I think a healthy age difference for a relationship to work shouldn’t be bigger than 10-11 years. There are some exceptions to this rule, but they are exceptions not a standard. SAY THEY DON’T HAVE CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS How to identify: photos of him posing with kids, especially small ones. Bio: “That’s my niece”. The goal of this trick is to make the woman think: “Aww! He’s so good with children”, or “He has experience with children, he’ll make a good father”. Hiding his children or pretending not to have them, is a weak play. We, women, appreciate when men talk sincerely about their past, their ex relationships or their children. This shows that they acknowledge what they’ve been through and they don’t cut themselves from their past, especially when we talk about children. PLAY JAMES BOND How to identify: posing in posh clubs with girls out of their league, posing with good-looking friends, in front of a BMW or a Maserati. Bio: Just having fun on this ride called life! I understand men want to show their status, but sometimes they really cross the line of good taste. Do you have a Maserati? That’s great. But you don’t need to post it on Tinder. Men who post pics from the clubs, with many good-looking women, usually have low self-esteem. If you’re a real man, you don’t need to prove and show it on pics that women fall for you. SHOW A GOOD HEART How to identify: man holding a sweet kitten in his arms, or a guy posting a selfie with his dog. Bio: Animal-lover. Men think that by posting a pic with their dog or cat (or even a borrowed one) you will say “oh so cute!” and swipe right. While it’s ok to post one pic with the dog, it’s not okay to have a full Tinder gallery of ‘dog selfies”. Woman would spot your good heart when she meets you and not by seeing your cute pets. PLAY AN ADVENTURER How to identify: posts pictures from his trips from all over the world Bio: a free spirit traveling the world Adventurer wants to show how cool and free he is. By posting pics from all the luxurious resorts and white-sand beaches, he shows his ‘interesting’ lifestyle and hopes women will find him a contemporary ‘Indiana Jones’. Travel pics are okay with one exception – too much is no good. If you’re dating on Tinder, I have one piece of advice for you. Never consider anything real until it’s real. Is he taking you out? Do you meet regularly? Is he texting you? If the answer is “no”, then maybe you should consider investing your time somewhere else or into someone else. Men play tinder games. What’s your game?

How to identify: a man holding a sweet kitten in his arms, or a guy posting a selfie with his dog. 

Bio: Animal-lover. 

Men think that by posting a pic with their dog or cat (or even a borrowed one) you will say “oh so cute!” and swipe right. 

While it’s ok to post one pic with the dog, it’s not okay to have a full Tinder gallery of ‘dog selfies”. Woman would spot your good heart when she meets you and not by seeing your cute pets. 

5. PLAY AN ADVENTURER 

How to identify: posts pictures from his trips from all over the world

Bio: a free spirit traveling the world

Adventurer wants to show how cool and free he is. By posting pics from all the luxurious resorts and white-sand beaches, he shows his ‘interesting’ lifestyle and hopes women will find him a contemporary ‘Indiana Jones’. 

Travel pics are okay with one exception – too much is no good. 

If you’re dating on Tinder, I have one piece of advice for you. Never consider anything real until it’s real. Is he taking you out? Do you meet regularly? Is he texting you?  If the answer is “no”, then maybe you should consider investing your time somewhere else or into someone else. 

Men play tinder games. What’s your game? 

Courage in life. How to be corageous?

courage in life

Courage in life is something everyone is talking about. Oh yeah, you know it all. Don’t you? Maybe you heard it a thousand times already. But you failed to try it on yourself.

Courage in life is closely connected to the way you handle the changes. Let me tell you the story of Martha, a 38-year-old woman living in Zurich. Martha desperately needed changes in her life. She felt like a used-up Ferrari. Always in chase of a better job, better relationship and a better life. But still, despite her wishes for change, she did very little to change it.

Maybe you also don’t quit your comfy job, though you feel it’s high time for something new and more developing?

Maybe you feel you deserve better, a better-paid position or a normal, loving relationship but you still wait until it miraculously appears in your life?

The truth is, we, humans, are lazy. If we don’t need to move – we sit. Imagine someone tells you that you don’t need to go to work anymore in your life. Would you still get up at 6:30 am to move and do your stuff? I guess not.

We all have wishes. “I want to lose 5 kgs”, “I want to meet the man of my dreams”, “I want to change my job”, etc. Nowadays, “I want to” supersedes our “I do it”. We live in the world of our “wants” and not “doings”.

Neuroscientists determined that it is the fear of our own unworthiness that drives us to live a fear-based life. Read more about the science of conquering fear here.

We are afraid to cross the magic barrier of FEAR. Why magic?

Imagine you’re standing on a cliff. On the other side, there’s another cliff where you see your dream job or dream relationship. In between, there’s an abyss. You know that you need to cross it to get to the other side. The fear stops you. The abyss is too deep, and the line is too thin. You come up with excuses why you CAN’T get to the other side, instead of putting your shit together and creating a way to get there.

Maybe you run and make a big jump, maybe you walk on the thin line or construct a more solid bridge.

In this way, you CREATE your ways on how to get to the other side. The only ingredient you need is COURAGE.

Without courage, Marc Zuckerberg wouldn’t have created Facebook.

Without courage, Jan Mela (a disabled Polish boy) wouldn’t have reached the North Pole.

Without courage, you wouldn’t have been where you are now.

I recently tested my courage in the Swiss mountains. I have a fear of heights and going up to 3000 metre mountain was my challenge. Learn how I did it and what I learned from it.

Courage in life is created, not innate. You might not have it in your DNA, but you can always train it. Courage to go your own way of making better choices and going beyond your limits.

If you’re looking for a way to start check out my e-book, which can help you on your way.

Stay corageous!

Aleksandra

The Art of Happiness

Do you know how your thoughts drift you away from your fulfilled and happy life? Maybe you always thought that happiness is butterfly which is always slipping through your fingertips?

the art of happiness

I’m not going to give you a definition of what ‘happiness’ is. Each of us has his own definition, which is in accordance with our values and belief system.

Lately, I’ve been watching “The affair” TV series. The main protagonist, Noah Solloway, had it all. A beautiful and loving wife, 4 healthy kids and a cosy home in the city. Yet, he was not happy. Later on, in the next seasons, he divorced his wife, took another woman and had a baby with her. Yet, he was not happy. I won’t spill the beans of how it all ends.

How many of you out there are like Noah Solloway?

Never happy with what you have. Never knowing what you actually want. Not appreciating what you have. Drifting through life insatiably.

HAPPINESS IS ANOTHER FORM OF CREATION. YOU DESIGN IT WITH YOUR THOUGHTS.

Sounds easy, hm? Easy for someone who is well aware of the power of our thoughts and is already using it.

What if, let’s say, you grew up in a poor family with a negative view on everything? What if all your friends around complain about how hard it is to earn well or to meet a good life partner? What if you don’t believe in yourself, because no one else believes in the success of your business idea?

Discover 5 mental habits on how you can create more happiness in your life.

1. PERCEPTION

The first step on your way to happiness is the ability to perceive good things in your life. If you go through your day thinking only about the bad stuff, bad weather, bad boss and lack of money, no wonder you attract it in your life.

Think about the positive things that happened during your day. Maybe someone gave you a smile on the tram or you drank a cup of your favourite coffee?

2. GRATEFULNESS

Every morning, straight after your wake-up, think about 4 things that you are grateful for today. The more positive things you perceive the higher your happiness level 🙂

3. LETTING GO

Let go of grudges ad anger towards people in your life. Are you still angry with your parents that they criticise you all the time? Time to let go. Time to give a hug to your dad and tell him how much you love him. Holding grudges and anger destroys you inside. As soon as you let go, regardless of the other person’s feelings, you find peace and clear off your head from negative emotions.

4. PURSUE YOUR DREAMS

Have dreams. Dare to dream and fulfil your dreams. This can give you so much power when you’re on your way to creating the life you want. You dream about meeting your other half? Then go out more, socialise, have the courage to meet new people.

5. APPRECIATE YOUR ROOTS

Even if you don’t like your family town or you have difficult relations with your parents, learn to appreciate your roots. Your family gave you everything they could. They fed you, educated you and loved you. Yes. Even when they didn’t know how to show this love. You owe them respect. They created you. Thanks to them you could come to this world and experience this life. Learn to appreciate it.

Let me end this post with a quote from my favourite philosopher Marcus Aurelius:

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking”

And what’s your view on that?

Let me know in comments.