Single mothers and excluded fathers

There is a certain dynamic played out in contemporary society. I have noticed that there are mothers who voluntarily exclude fathers from their child’s life.

There are many different life situations like the death of the father of the child, in vitro fertilization when the father is unknown. But today let me speak about mothers who restrict access of the father to the child, thus prohibiting the father to see the child, spend time with the child or take part in parenthood.

Sometimes this happens when the father has severe problems with himself – be it drug addiction, narcissistic personality, or other psychological disorders. In such cases it is understandable.

But what to do if the father is quite normal but his ex prohibits him to see the child?

Usually, single mothers are women who have been hurt. Their relationship didn’t work out and they live alone with a baby. They hold a grudge in their hearts against men, fathers of their children. Quite often single mothers are angry with their ex-partners or husbands. They didn’t forgive them and didn’t let go of the negative feelings or memories.

The problem is that in such a case the child will sense it. The child, subconsciously, will feel the anger of the mother towards the father. The child will feel, though not understand, that the father is a ‘bad man’ and doesn’t deserve to be loved. Remember that the child was created by two persons – a man and a woman. It consists of 2 energies – feminine and masculine.

What is the problem when you’re a single mother and you don’t respect your ex?

Your child growing up in such energies can develop low self-esteem. It can feel that masculinity is bad and excluded. It can sense that if the father is considered by the mother as a bad man, then the child who consists of 50% of the father can start to disrespect his own masculinity.

What happens when the child grows up without the father? Especially when the father is excluded.

Such a child will have a negative view of the father and masculinity. Father figure shows how to be a man, how to go to the outside world. Being a mother and a father are two different roles. Mother stands for femininity, nurture. Father stands for masculinity, the power to act, and take decisions.

Single mothers who are hurt can be, unfortunately, very proud. They’d rather say “I don’t want this person in my child’s life. I will grow the baby on my own” than “I will allow my ex to take care of his child”.

The child’s interest is the most important here. Not your grudge against your ex. The child needs love and support from both parents and single motherhood with excluded father will never substitute it.

Family constellations for beginners

In this short article, I will explain in simple words what family constellations are about. That’s always a tough question to explain.

It didn’t start within you.

Family constellations are about healing the relationships in your family, which in turn heal you and your perception of reality.

You haven’t been born as a white sheet of paper. You come to this world IN A GIVEN FAMILY. What happened there, in the family, influences you. You might have the same emotional issues, suffer from the same diseases, or encounter the same difficulties of finding the right partner, just as an example.

These are the so-called patterns or emotional blockages. Dynamics and unconscious scenarios according to which you respond in a given situation. The key in family constellations is to heal it, so that we are not burdening the next generation with our problems and blockages.

Genetics and epigenetics

As you know we inherit many characteristics after our ancestors, like the eyes or hair color and body structure. I bet you heard a couple of times that ‘you look like your mother’ or ‘you have your father’s eyes.

Epigenetics says that we inherit also the emotions and traumas, that our ancestors didn’t deal with. We have the same reactions, the same challenges. For example, constant lack of money, unhappy relationships, divorced women left alone with children.

Now the question comes: why should I care about my ancestors problems? Why should they be transmitted to me and why should I deal with them?

Our bond with ancestors is something unique in the scale of human relationships and interactions. Due to the fact that we are not born as a tabula rasa, we get the ‘download’ from our parents and ancestors. They have created us. We are part of them if we like it or not. I don’t try to say here that if our parents and grandparents had cancer, we are also gonna get it. No. This depends if we inherit their ‘way of thinking and reacting’ or we take the power to change it.

In the family history, it might have happened that our grandmother got pregnant during the war and her husband was killed or escaped. This might influence the next generations, for example, her granddaughter is a single mother. The pattern plays out again but in different circumstances.

We are not separated beings. We are connected to each other. And family constellations profoundly prove so and give us the tool to change these dynamics and start creating your own ones.

The best way to learn it, is to experience it on your own skin.

I cordially invite you for Skype sessions with me or personal sessions in my therapy studio in Zurich.

Aleksandra

When the boss doesn’t give you a raise

Have you ever heard about the Tiara Syndrome? It’s a special psychological term used to describe the belief that if you do everything properly, in your job, at home, etc. someone is going to appreciate it and put a crown on your head. 

Sheryl Sandberg cited “The Tiara Syndrome” in her book “Lean in”.

You sit quietly, you do your job the best you can and you think your boss is going to notice that and he will give you a pay raise. Usually, nothing like this happens.

Sounds familiar? 

So often you heard “sit quiet and do your job and they will notice you”. That’s what I’ve heard. So you sit, work long hours and wait and wait and expect that your time for ‘crowning’ will come. But it never comes. No raise, no good words from the boss but an increasing frustration. 

So many working women struggle with the Tiara Syndrome. 

  • What to do if you notice that your work is not appreciated though you deliver your best? 
  • What to do if you got stuck in your career being on the same junior position for 5 years? 

Take your fate in your own hands. Leave the job. Don’t wait for the crown, because you can wait forever. You know you deserve more. Take action to get it. Even if this will mean changing your job. Anyways, you wouldn’t regret such a job with no prospects, would you?

Let’s talk about relationships now. I think Tiara Syndrome can be perfectly illustrated on the example of love relationships.

Sandra met John at a common friends’ party. They exchanged the phone numbers and smiled at each other with a sparkle in the eye. She liked him a lot. “Finally!” she thought. “The man of my dreams”. John’s attitude was a bit different. He said to his best friend: “she’s cool. Let’s see what will come out of that”. What happened next?

They met three times in a cafe, in a park, in a restaurant. Then, Sandra took the initiative and invited him over to her place for dinner. She prepared a menu of 3 dishes plus the dessert and excellent red wine. She put her make up on, the best dress from her closet and thought that this was it. This was the moment she was waiting for. She expected that the guy will be head over heels in love with her. 

Was he? Nope. Do you know why?

The man was no longer interested because Sandra gave herself on a plate. She was too much focused on herself and on giving a lot, and she didn’t ask herself “What is he giving me?” 

The same goes for relationships and love. We do an excellent job, looking good, and giving our hearts on a plate to a man. Especially we, women. 

We fail to see and analyze if the man appreciates us and gives us his masculine energy in exchange for our feminine. We wait and hope the guy is going to love us and pamper us later on, but we don’t see the signals saying that we gave too many cookies and fed him too much. Our cookie bakery gets closed, and we finally see what mistakes we did.

What to do about that? 

Start appreciating yourself. Give, but also take. Ask for more and if someone says he cannot give it to you – leave. Don’t be afraid to ask your boss for what you deserve. When it doesn’t function, you know what to do, right?

5 Tinder tricks that men use

Do you have a Tinder account? Lucky you! It is worthwhile to have it for some observation regarding how men behave.

Tinder is a great tool for people-watching without leaving your home or your bed. Many ask the million-dollar question “Can I meet a normal guy on Tinder?”. You know, the one who could be a good material to create a relationship. I think all is possible, but first, you need to do some sorting to find such a guy. 

tinder games

Men play mind games on women. Especially on Tinder.  Let’s play their game today, shall we? 

So, what are the Tinder tricks men use? 

Men, just like women, have their tricks when it comes to their self-presentation. Women usually put make-up on, dress up, look good and talk nice. How do men play?

1. LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE 

How to identify: pictures of an older man. White-hair fellow on the beach or attending a vintage car show.

Bio: Age: 39. Real Age: 49 at least. 

Men think that in order to get a woman, they need to lie about their age. Somehow, they think that women wouldn’t like age difference bigger than 5 years. That’s not true. I think a healthy age difference for a relationship to work shouldn’t be bigger than 10-11 years. There are some exceptions to this rule, but they are exceptions, not a standard. 

2. SAY THEY DON’T HAVE CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS 

How to identify: photos of him posing with kids, especially small ones. 

Bio: “That’s my niece”.

The goal of this trick is to make the woman think: “Aww! He’s so good with children”, or “He has experience with children, he’ll make a good father”. Hiding his children or pretending not to have them, is a weak play. 

We, women, appreciate when men talk sincerely about their past, their ex relationships or their children. This shows that they acknowledge what they’ve been through, and they don’t cut themselves from their past, especially when we talk about children. 

3. PLAY JAMES BOND 

How to identify: posing in posh clubs with girls out of their league, posing with good-looking friends, in front of a BMW or a Maserati.

Bio: Just having fun on this ride called life!

I understand men want to show their status, but sometimes they really cross the line of good taste. Do you have a Maserati? That’s great. But you don’t need to post it on Tinder. 

Men who post pics from the clubs, with many good-looking women, usually have low self-esteem. If you’re a real man, you don’t need to prove and show it on pics that women fall for you. 

4. SHOW A GOOD HEART 

Do you have a Tinder account? Lucky you! It is worthwhile to have it for some observation regarding how men behave. Tinder is a great tool for people-watching without leaving your home or your bed. Many ask the million-dollar question “Can I meet a normal guy on Tinder?”. You know, the one who could be a good material to create a relationship. I think all is possible, but first you need to do some sorting to find such a guy. Men play mind games on women. Especially on Tinder. Let’s play their game today, shall we? So, what are the Tinder tricks men use? Men, just like women, have their tricks when it comes to their self-presentation. Women usually put a make-up on, dress up, look good and talk nice. How do men play? LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE How to identify: pictures of an older man. White-hair fellow on the beach or attending a vintage car show. Bio: Age: 39. Real Age: 49 at least. Men think that in order to get a woman, they need to lie about their age. Somehow, they think that women wouldn’t like age difference bigger than 5 years. That’s not true. I think a healthy age difference for a relationship to work shouldn’t be bigger than 10-11 years. There are some exceptions to this rule, but they are exceptions not a standard. SAY THEY DON’T HAVE CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS How to identify: photos of him posing with kids, especially small ones. Bio: “That’s my niece”. The goal of this trick is to make the woman think: “Aww! He’s so good with children”, or “He has experience with children, he’ll make a good father”. Hiding his children or pretending not to have them, is a weak play. We, women, appreciate when men talk sincerely about their past, their ex relationships or their children. This shows that they acknowledge what they’ve been through and they don’t cut themselves from their past, especially when we talk about children. PLAY JAMES BOND How to identify: posing in posh clubs with girls out of their league, posing with good-looking friends, in front of a BMW or a Maserati. Bio: Just having fun on this ride called life! I understand men want to show their status, but sometimes they really cross the line of good taste. Do you have a Maserati? That’s great. But you don’t need to post it on Tinder. Men who post pics from the clubs, with many good-looking women, usually have low self-esteem. If you’re a real man, you don’t need to prove and show it on pics that women fall for you. SHOW A GOOD HEART How to identify: man holding a sweet kitten in his arms, or a guy posting a selfie with his dog. Bio: Animal-lover. Men think that by posting a pic with their dog or cat (or even a borrowed one) you will say “oh so cute!” and swipe right. While it’s ok to post one pic with the dog, it’s not okay to have a full Tinder gallery of ‘dog selfies”. Woman would spot your good heart when she meets you and not by seeing your cute pets. PLAY AN ADVENTURER How to identify: posts pictures from his trips from all over the world Bio: a free spirit traveling the world Adventurer wants to show how cool and free he is. By posting pics from all the luxurious resorts and white-sand beaches, he shows his ‘interesting’ lifestyle and hopes women will find him a contemporary ‘Indiana Jones’. Travel pics are okay with one exception – too much is no good. If you’re dating on Tinder, I have one piece of advice for you. Never consider anything real until it’s real. Is he taking you out? Do you meet regularly? Is he texting you? If the answer is “no”, then maybe you should consider investing your time somewhere else or into someone else. Men play tinder games. What’s your game?

How to identify: a man holding a sweet kitten in his arms, or a guy posting a selfie with his dog. 

Bio: Animal-lover. 

Men think that by posting a pic with their dog or cat (or even a borrowed one) you will say “oh so cute!” and swipe right. 

While it’s ok to post one pic with the dog, it’s not okay to have a full Tinder gallery of ‘dog selfies”. Woman would spot your good heart when she meets you and not by seeing your cute pets. 

5. PLAY AN ADVENTURER 

How to identify: posts pictures from his trips from all over the world

Bio: a free spirit traveling the world

Adventurer wants to show how cool and free he is. By posting pics from all the luxurious resorts and white-sand beaches, he shows his ‘interesting’ lifestyle and hopes women will find him a contemporary ‘Indiana Jones’. 

Travel pics are okay with one exception – too much is no good. 

If you’re dating on Tinder, I have one piece of advice for you. Never consider anything real until it’s real. Is he taking you out? Do you meet regularly? Is he texting you?  If the answer is “no”, then maybe you should consider investing your time somewhere else or into someone else. 

Men play tinder games. What’s your game? 

Is love enough to build a happy relationship?

I met Martha at a party in Kaufleuten club in Zurich on a rainy Saturday evening. We had a ‘girls talk’ over a White Russian. She was in a tough relationship which brought lots of troubles and worries. She said: “The most important is that we love each other”. 

Hell yeah, I thought. As if love could fix it all…

LOVE IS NOT A CURE 

You can call me the most unromantic person in the world, but love cannot fix troubles in your relationship. You cannot sit around, unhappy, thinking that love to your partner will heal all problems. 

Love will neither fix you nor bring you permanent happiness. It won’t heal your traumas. Sometimes you need a visit at the shrink’s office to heal yourself and not a person who sleeps next to you and calls you ‘darling’. Love is not a plaster you put on your skin when you hurt yourself. 

Why love is not enough for a relationship to succeed?

If love to your man is the first thing that matters to you in your relationship, then ask yourself a question.

  • What is there apart from love? 
  • What other qualities does your relationship have? 
  • What are the common values of you and your partner?
  • Do you share a similar view on things and life in general? 
  • Do you both want to have a family and kids? 
  • What are the common goals and life plans of you and your partner?

LOVE IS MATHEMATICS

Sometimes I meet women who crave and beg for love. When they meet a guy, they fall in love straight away and think about the love that they will get from their partner. Love blinds them. They cannot see who the guy really is and figure out if he only says that he ‘loves’ or he actually does it. 

“I just wanna be loved” attitude is very dangerous for women. Love is an important part of a relationship, but you cannot sacrifice everything for it. Any relationship consists of many parts. There’s one part called ‘liking each other’, another one called ‘respect’, the next one ‘common values’ and so on. 

So, what is love? Love is an addition.

love is not enough

First of all, you need to take care of yourself. Your state of mind. Your shit. You need to love yourself before you love another person. You cannot get water out of a stone. If you don’t love yourself, there’s a low probability that you will be successful in loving another person. It’s pure mathematics. 0 love times 1 equals 0. You cannot give what you don’t have in yourself. 

In romantic comedies, people who meet each other, first, need to overcome some obstacles (job challenges, personal challenges, etc) before they are finally together. They don’t go into a relationship only because no one else came their way. 

They don’t bring into their relationship shitty patterns from their family of origin or exuberant expectations. First, they deal with their own shit, before they turn their relationship into a ‘relationshit’. 

Better to be in a ship with the other person than in a shit… It makes a whole lot of difference. 

A good relationship does not come wrapped in a ribbon

When I ask people how they met they start telling me that the time stood still, and they immediately knew that was ‘it’. Love at first sight. Biochemical cocktail of love & attraction.

Usually, in these moments I say: “Whoa. Hold your horses. Beginnings are always like the golden age of America. Like the first episode of your favorite Netflix series. Excitement and curiosity. All until the time you both advance to the second series called “Ups and downs” or “Storms and calms”.

relationship equals effort
The love and feelings you get from your beloved are not a gift neatly wrapped in a ribbon that is there to last forever.

It’s rather credit for a foundation on which to build something that matters.
Many couples part in the 5th or 7th year of their relationship. Love burn-out. They don’t know why they are together. They look at his or her beloved sleeping in bed, wondering why they decided to start this relationship. Wondering what went wrong and when.

Usually, it takes a couple of years for a couple to part. What happens then? A new love cycle begins. A new partner, butterflies in the stomach and love, that lasts only for some time…

Usually, this pattern of 5 or 7-year lasting relationship have couples who didn’t make it through the “storms and calms” and who forgot to build strong fundaments. They were so happy that they have this person, and they thought that ‘love’ will fix it all. That love will make it work. Unfortunately, love alone doesn’t guarantee a long-lasting relationship.

Love equals work. Yes. That’s the way it is. I can see your surprised faces now 🙂 Love is always about two totally different people coming together. Different backgrounds, different families, sometimes even different countries. You need to put your sleeves up and dig in to make it work. To build the fundaments for it to flourish.

Is it easy? Rather not. But one thing is sure – Santa Claus brings gifts only to children. The grown-ups make gifts by themselves, thanks to their work, attention, and experience.

Love is never about “meeting the right person”. Even if you meet your Mr/Mrs. Right, there’s still some work to be done.

relationship requires effort

There’s a song by The O’Jays – “Now that we found love what are we gonna do with it”. Think for a moment. What are you going to DO with your love?

All fables end with “they married and lived happily ever after”. Real life has nothing to do with a fable. The ups and downs happen even in the happiest relationship. But if you have a strong pillar on which you have built your love, no storm or hurricane will ever destroy it.

Care for your love every day. Just like you brush your teeth. Let it become a habit.

Valentine’s Day is approaching. We are bombarded with adverts of sexy lingerie, heart-shaped chocolates, and red roses. All good restaurants in Zurich are booked out for this Friday evening. People hoard to celebrate love. At least one day per year.

It’s actually a great idea to celebrate love. But maybe without all this marketing. Realizing that each day is a good day to celebrate love. Not only 14th February.

Wishing you wonderful days full of love,

Aleksandra

Strong women and weak men

strong women an week men

How they are born? What makes men weak and women strong?

EQUAL BUT DIFFERENT

According to the family constellations method, the first place in the family belongs to the man.

He leads, builds a house, goes out to hunt and provides food and shelter for his woman. The second place belongs to the woman, who takes care of the internal world – children, home, cooking, and household management.

First and second places are just functions. We don’t talk here about the first as ‘better’ and the ‘second’ as worse. Men and women are equal as sexes but were created to fulfill different functions, thus complementing each other. Yin and yang. Sun and moon. Masculine and feminine.

During the past years, a lot has changed between feminine and masculine roles. Men built a world where there was no place for women. Witches and female shamans were a threat to the men of those times, because of their advanced knowledge. So, men burned them at stakes. Hurting the feminine and cursing women who gave birth to baby-girls.

WAR ZONE

Then, there were wars, like the 1st and 2nd World War, which decimated men. The masculine fell down and didn’t have the strength to get up. Boys were raised by mothers and grandmothers because fathers died at war. Today we have many strong women. It all comes as an aftermath of war. An aftermath nobody ever took into account.

Strong women

Who is a strong woman?

A woman who is focused on being successful in her career?
A woman who can do without a man?
A woman who stands by her partner?
A woman who is feminine? Dressed in a flowery dress, connected to her intuition, loving and caring?

Look closely at her. Look at her mother. How was her mother like? Was her mother feminine? Or maybe she was raised on the anger of her mother, who was left alone after the war with five kids to feed?

Maybe your grandmother ruled in the house because she had no choice. Left alone on the ashes of war with five kids to take care of. This is where the anger on men starts. I’ve seen it many times during family constellations. Women’s anger on men. A murderous anger.

The anger of pain of being left alone with no help of a beloved man to survive. So, the women needed to stand in the men’s place. In the masculine. They made themselves strong and carried masculine burdens of taking on masculine roles.

Now ask yourself a question. An important one.

Do you have a tendency to carry a lot on your shoulders? Do you, as a woman, constantly control everyone and everything? Do you rule in the house, because all needs to be done “your way”?

Or maybe you’re a man and you were raised by a mother who was always pissed on your father? Who always criticized him and dominated him?

Do you remember this moment when as a child you dreamed about leaving your home and being away from the mother who always told you what you should do and how you should do it?

The war is long over. Time to make peace.

Week man

Time to understand that women and men both need each other. We need to acknowledge our incompleteness.

We need to understand that a feminine needs a stable and strong masculine. And masculine needs warm and sensitive feminine.

Look at your ancestors and ask yourself – can I have it a different way than you?

The answer will come. Today is a good day to wake up, see the patterns which existed in your family and break them by deciding that you will allow yourself to act differently.
To be a masculine man. Or a feminine woman.

Aleksandra Bzdzikot
Certified family constellations therapist
Certified art therapist

Being yourself is not easy. Why?

being yourself

Being yourself is not easy, because sometimes we‘re brought up to be someone else, someone, who has to be ‘this or that’. How often did you hear from your parents that you look like your grandfather or that you took on artistic skills after your father who liked to draw in his free time?

If looks and skills are passed on through generations, do you think that emotional problems, relationship patterns, money blockages are not? Then, let me surprise you 😉

  1. Sometimes it all comes from our family tree. Maybe some of our ancestors couldn’t pursue their passion. Maybe others told them “you won’t make a good teacher” or “You won’t be a good artist” plus “you cannot make money on art”. So they gave up their dreams of being themselves for the sake of peace of mind and social acceptance.

Maybe our parents couldn’t be themselves, because they were brought up by their parents according to some unwritten but verbally expressed rules? The behavioral patterns easily get transmitted through our genetics.

  1. Then comes the programming neatly covered under “schooling”. They tell us to go to school, study hard, be a good boy or a good girl. Go to church, believe in God, God will take care of you in the afterlife, fear the devil… They all tell us what to do. Until we reach the age of 18, we are fully programmed. Programmed to be someone. A firefighter, a teacher, a politician, a lawyer, and an IT software developer…

So you go the university, still study hard and land a good job. Congratulations! You’re a lawyer (banker, engineer or whoever) and you’re fully programmed to exist in the society and work like a sheep for the next 40 years.

Wait a moment. Was this what you wanted? Ask yourself a question: did I consciously choose that way? It is important that we feel good at our careers, in our relationships and with ourselves when we look at ourselves in the mirror.

How do you know if you are yourself?

  • You accept yourself fully, including your flaws;
  • You accept your path, the career that you CONSCIOUSLY chose;
  • You take no opinion of others on yourself;
  • You love yourself the way you are.

Look in the mirror. Who do you see there? The product of your parents/society expectations or yourself? 😊

Being yourself in a world which constantly tries you to be someone else, is the biggest achievement”.

Courage in life

courage in life

The old year is coming to an end making space for the new one to come. New Year means new wishes, new resolutions and new plans. Oh yeah, we all know it.

Martha desperately needed changes in her life. She felt like a used-up Ferrari. Always in chase of a better job, better relationship and a better life. But still, despite her wishes for change, she did very little to change it.

Maybe you also don’t quit your comfy job, though you feel it’s high time for something new and more developing?

Maybe you feel you deserve better, a better-paid position or a normal, loving relationship but you still wait until it miraculously appears in your life?

The truth is, we, humans, are lazy. If we don’t need to move – we sit. Imagine someone tells you that you don’t need to go to work anymore in your life. Would you still get up at 6:30 am to move and do your stuff? I guess not.

We all have wishes. “I want to lose 5 kgs”, “I want to meet the man of my dreams”, “I want to change my job”, etc. Nowadays, “I want to” supersedes our “I do it”. We live in the world of our “wants” and not “doings”.

We are afraid to cross the magic barrier of FEAR. Why magic?

Imagine you’re standing on a cliff. On the other side, there’s another cliff where you see your dream job or dream relationship. In between, there’s an abyss. You know that you need to cross it to get to the other side. The fear stops you. The abyss is too deep, and the line is too thin. You come up with excuses why you CAN’T get to the other side, instead of putting your shit together and creating a way to get there.

Maybe you run and make a big jump, maybe you walk on the thin line or construct a more solid bridge.

In this way, you CREATE your ways on how to get to the other side. The only ingredient you need is COURAGE.

Without courage, Marc Zuckerberg wouldn’t have created Facebook.

Without courage, Jan Mela (a disabled Polish boy) wouldn’t have reached the North Pole.

Without courage, you wouldn’t have been where you are now.

Courage to go your own way of making better choices and going beyond the limits.

With best wishes for the New Year!

Plantation of Creativity team

The Art of Happiness

Do you know how your thoughts drift you away from your fulfilled and happy life? Maybe you always thought that happiness is butterfly which is always slipping through your fingertips?

the art of happiness

I’m not going to give you a definition of what ‘happiness’ is. Each of us has his own definition, which is in accordance with our values and belief system.

Lately, I’ve been watching “The affair” TV series. The main protagonist, Noah Solloway, had it all. A beautiful and loving wife, 4 healthy kids and a cosy home in the city. Yet, he was not happy. Later on, in the next seasons, he divorced his wife, took another woman and had a baby with her. Yet, he was not happy. I won’t spill the beans of how it all ends.

How many of you out there are like Noah Solloway?

Never happy with what you have. Never knowing what you actually want. Not appreciating what you have. Drifting through life insatiably.

HAPPINESS IS ANOTHER FORM OF CREATION. YOU DESIGN IT WITH YOUR THOUGHTS.

Sounds easy, hm? Easy for someone who is well aware of the power of our thoughts and is already using it.

What if, let’s say, you grew up in a poor family with a negative view on everything? What if all your friends around complain about how hard it is to earn well or to meet a good life partner? What if you don’t believe in yourself, because no one else believes in the success of your business idea?

Discover 5 mental habits on how you can create more happiness in your life.

1. PERCEPTION

The first step on your way to happiness is the ability to perceive good things in your life. If you go through your day thinking only about the bad stuff, bad weather, bad boss and lack of money, no wonder you attract it in your life.

Think about the positive things that happened during your day. Maybe someone gave you a smile on the tram or you drank a cup of your favourite coffee?

2. GRATEFULNESS

Every morning, straight after your wake-up, think about 4 things that you are grateful for today. The more positive things you perceive the higher your happiness level 🙂

3. LETTING GO

Let go of grudges ad anger towards people in your life. Are you still angry with your parents that they criticise you all the time? Time to let go. Time to give a hug to your dad and tell him how much you love him. Holding grudges and anger destroys you inside. As soon as you let go, regardless of the other person’s feelings, you find peace and clear off your head from negative emotions.

4. PURSUE YOUR DREAMS

Have dreams. Dare to dream and fulfil your dreams. This can give you so much power when you’re on your way to creating the life you want. You dream about meeting your other half? Then go out more, socialise, have the courage to meet new people.

5. APPRECIATE YOUR ROOTS

Even if you don’t like your family town or you have difficult relations with your parents, learn to appreciate your roots. Your family gave you everything they could. They fed you, educated you and loved you. Yes. Even when they didn’t know how to show this love. You owe them respect. They created you. Thanks to them you could come to this world and experience this life. Learn to appreciate it.

Let me end this post with a quote from my favourite philosopher Marcus Aurelius:

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking”

And what’s your view on that?

Let me know in comments.