How they are born? What makes men weak and women strong?
EQUAL BUT DIFFERENT
According to the family constellations method, the first place in the family belongs to the man.
He leads, builds a house, goes out to hunt and provides food and shelter for his woman. The second place belongs to the woman, who takes care of the internal world – children, home, cooking, and household management.
First and second places are just functions. We don’t talk here about the first as ‘better’ and the ‘second’ as worse. Men and women are equal as sexes but were created to fulfill different functions, thus complementing each other. Yin and yang. Sun and moon. Masculine and feminine.
During the past years, a lot has changed between feminine and masculine roles. Men built a world where there was no place for women. Witches and female shamans were a threat to the men of those times, because of their advanced knowledge. So, men burned them at stakes. Hurting the feminine and cursing women who gave birth to baby-girls.
WAR ZONE
Then, there were wars, like the 1st and 2nd World War, which decimated men. The masculine fell down and didn’t have the strength to get up. Boys were raised by mothers and grandmothers because fathers died at war. Today we have many strong women. It all comes as an aftermath of war. An aftermath nobody ever took into account.
Who is a strong woman?
A woman who is focused on being successful in her career?
A woman who can do without a man?
A woman who stands by her partner?
A woman who is feminine? Dressed in a flowery dress, connected to her intuition, loving and caring?
Look closely at her. Look at her mother. How was her mother like? Was her mother feminine? Or maybe she was raised on the anger of her mother, who was left alone after the war with five kids to feed?
Maybe your grandmother ruled in the house because she had no choice. Left alone on the ashes of war with five kids to take care of. This is where the anger on men starts. I’ve seen it many times during family constellations. Women’s anger on men. A murderous anger.
The anger of pain of being left alone with no help of a beloved man to survive. So, the women needed to stand in the men’s place. In the masculine. They made themselves strong and carried masculine burdens of taking on masculine roles.
Now ask yourself a question. An important one.
Do you have a tendency to carry a lot on your shoulders? Do you, as a woman, constantly control everyone and everything? Do you rule in the house, because all needs to be done “your way”?
Or maybe you’re a man and you were raised by a mother who was always pissed on your father? Who always criticized him and dominated him?
Do you remember this moment when as a child you dreamed about leaving your home and being away from the mother who always told you what you should do and how you should do it?
The war is long over. Time to make peace.
Time to understand that women and men both need each other. We need to acknowledge our incompleteness.
We need to understand that a feminine needs a stable and strong masculine. And masculine needs warm and sensitive feminine.
Look at your ancestors and ask yourself – can I have it a different way than you?
The answer will come. Today is a good day to wake up, see the patterns which existed in your family and break them by deciding that you will allow yourself to act differently.
To be a masculine man. Or a feminine woman.
Aleksandra Bzdzikot
Certified family constellations therapist
Certified art therapist
