Did you give too much and the man left you?

Many women contact me and tell me “I gave him everything, I was so good to him, and then he left me. Why did this happen? What’s wrong with me?“. If you overserve and agree for crumbles of love, crumbles of attention – this is what usually happens. Shifting your own plans for the sake of dating. Being too much available and accepting bad manners and bad behavior from the side of men, because you’re „a good girl”.

“Good girls go the heaven, bad girls to hell” – would you agree? Me – definitely not.

ARE YOU A GOOD GIRL?

How it comes that good girls usually suffer? I coach women a lot. And I’ve noticed that kind of paradigm that women want to be nice to the man. They want to offer a lot. They want to be themselves and try too much so that the relationship can work.

So, what is wrong about that?

Have ever wondered why you have offered so much, you have been a good, nice girl, and then the guy dumps you or he is not interested in you. Or he ignores your text messages.

Well, that is the main issue of being a good girl. You are a nice woman. But do you still live according to your values?

THE BIGGEST MISTAKE THAT A GOOD GIRL DOES

A good girl

I think that there are many women out there, who are single, feel lonely or simply want to have a true and loving relationship. And that’s why they’re letting men to overstep their boundaries or to ignore them. And they are being too nice afterward.

Let’s say, that two days ago you’ve proposed a meeting to a guy. To go to a cinema or a café, or enjoy a meal and a glass of red wine. And then you write to him to confirm, that it is still on for the evening.

And then the guy texts you back the very same day the meeting is gonna be held. The very same day, during lunchtime the guy informs you, that actually it could have been better if you met tomorrow. And then you think that maybe he has something urgent to do.

But well, you’ve proposed this meeting 3 days ago and he texts me in the last moment to inform me, that he cancels.

And then, like a good girl, as a nice woman you tend to justify him:

„Maybe he has a visit to a doctor, maybe he is tired after work, so I will shift my own meeting and make time for him tomorrow night”.

This is the mistake number one that you do when it comes to shifting your own plans and pleasing another person. This is what you are doing when you’re canceling your own plans only because a guy you’ve been dating says, he cancels for the very last moment. And asks you to make the next day.

So this is about being too much available.

You give yourself, you are so nice that you want to please the guy. And of course, there is nothing wrong with pleasing a guy, but it’s like with cookies, a chocolate or a cake. Piece by piece, you cannot eat the whole chocolate at once. Because then you will feel very bad. On a standard daily basis, you wouldn’t do that. You would take a piece, but not the full one. 

STOP GIVING TOO MUCH

So, imagine.

  • If you are too nice to guys,
  • if you accept such behavior like canceling the very last minute, postponing or texting us the very same they that they cannot make it,
  • if you agree to everything they propose later on, although you’ve already made some plans (or even if your plan was to stay long in bed and read a book you wanted to read), 

Then you give too much.

Too much for someone who is not ready to invest, for someone who is not ready to keep his word, for someone, who cancels a meeting with you the very last moment. 

STOP HURTING YOURSELF

I know that each one of us, women, has been through these moments of being a very good girl. But all I want you to know is that being nice or too nice, or accepting everything means hurting yourself. Because if you are too nice to a guy, you kind of try to validate yourself. You are feeling so insecure inside, that you just want to be good enough, wonderful, and so on. 

But this is not the right way to do so.

First, you need to build up your own self-confidence. Because you need to love yourself the way you are. Being nice is okay up to a limit. And each person has his or her own limits. And of course, we want to be loved and cherished. We want to have a true connection with our partners. And yes, we are ready to invest a lot.

But when you invest your time and energy in someone, just observe if you don’t agree for too much. Especially if the guy cancels or if he does not respond to your requests or emails. 

Recently, I’ve also had a case when a guy texted me and I proposed a meeting under certain conditions. And then he totally ignored the message and came up with something different. So, this shows a lack of respect.

So a lesson learned is that nice women suffer. But not because of the guy. Because of their own lack of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. Of trusting themselves and not giving too much to the other person.

5 Tinder tricks that men use

Do you have a Tinder account? Lucky you! It is worthwhile to have it for some observation regarding how men behave.

Tinder is a great tool for people-watching without leaving your home or your bed. Many ask the million-dollar question “Can I meet a normal guy on Tinder?”. You know, the one who could be a good material to create a relationship. I think all is possible, but first, you need to do some sorting to find such a guy. 

tinder games

Men play mind games on women. Especially on Tinder.  Let’s play their game today, shall we? 

So, what are the Tinder tricks men use? 

Men, just like women, have their tricks when it comes to their self-presentation. Women usually put make-up on, dress up, look good and talk nice. How do men play?

1. LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE 

How to identify: pictures of an older man. White-hair fellow on the beach or attending a vintage car show.

Bio: Age: 39. Real Age: 49 at least. 

Men think that in order to get a woman, they need to lie about their age. Somehow, they think that women wouldn’t like age difference bigger than 5 years. That’s not true. I think a healthy age difference for a relationship to work shouldn’t be bigger than 10-11 years. There are some exceptions to this rule, but they are exceptions, not a standard. 

2. SAY THEY DON’T HAVE CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS 

How to identify: photos of him posing with kids, especially small ones. 

Bio: “That’s my niece”.

The goal of this trick is to make the woman think: “Aww! He’s so good with children”, or “He has experience with children, he’ll make a good father”. Hiding his children or pretending not to have them, is a weak play. 

We, women, appreciate when men talk sincerely about their past, their ex relationships or their children. This shows that they acknowledge what they’ve been through, and they don’t cut themselves from their past, especially when we talk about children. 

3. PLAY JAMES BOND 

How to identify: posing in posh clubs with girls out of their league, posing with good-looking friends, in front of a BMW or a Maserati.

Bio: Just having fun on this ride called life!

I understand men want to show their status, but sometimes they really cross the line of good taste. Do you have a Maserati? That’s great. But you don’t need to post it on Tinder. 

Men who post pics from the clubs, with many good-looking women, usually have low self-esteem. If you’re a real man, you don’t need to prove and show it on pics that women fall for you. 

4. SHOW A GOOD HEART 

Do you have a Tinder account? Lucky you! It is worthwhile to have it for some observation regarding how men behave. Tinder is a great tool for people-watching without leaving your home or your bed. Many ask the million-dollar question “Can I meet a normal guy on Tinder?”. You know, the one who could be a good material to create a relationship. I think all is possible, but first you need to do some sorting to find such a guy. Men play mind games on women. Especially on Tinder. Let’s play their game today, shall we? So, what are the Tinder tricks men use? Men, just like women, have their tricks when it comes to their self-presentation. Women usually put a make-up on, dress up, look good and talk nice. How do men play? LIE ABOUT THEIR AGE How to identify: pictures of an older man. White-hair fellow on the beach or attending a vintage car show. Bio: Age: 39. Real Age: 49 at least. Men think that in order to get a woman, they need to lie about their age. Somehow, they think that women wouldn’t like age difference bigger than 5 years. That’s not true. I think a healthy age difference for a relationship to work shouldn’t be bigger than 10-11 years. There are some exceptions to this rule, but they are exceptions not a standard. SAY THEY DON’T HAVE CHILDREN FROM PREVIOUS RELATIONSHIPS How to identify: photos of him posing with kids, especially small ones. Bio: “That’s my niece”. The goal of this trick is to make the woman think: “Aww! He’s so good with children”, or “He has experience with children, he’ll make a good father”. Hiding his children or pretending not to have them, is a weak play. We, women, appreciate when men talk sincerely about their past, their ex relationships or their children. This shows that they acknowledge what they’ve been through and they don’t cut themselves from their past, especially when we talk about children. PLAY JAMES BOND How to identify: posing in posh clubs with girls out of their league, posing with good-looking friends, in front of a BMW or a Maserati. Bio: Just having fun on this ride called life! I understand men want to show their status, but sometimes they really cross the line of good taste. Do you have a Maserati? That’s great. But you don’t need to post it on Tinder. Men who post pics from the clubs, with many good-looking women, usually have low self-esteem. If you’re a real man, you don’t need to prove and show it on pics that women fall for you. SHOW A GOOD HEART How to identify: man holding a sweet kitten in his arms, or a guy posting a selfie with his dog. Bio: Animal-lover. Men think that by posting a pic with their dog or cat (or even a borrowed one) you will say “oh so cute!” and swipe right. While it’s ok to post one pic with the dog, it’s not okay to have a full Tinder gallery of ‘dog selfies”. Woman would spot your good heart when she meets you and not by seeing your cute pets. PLAY AN ADVENTURER How to identify: posts pictures from his trips from all over the world Bio: a free spirit traveling the world Adventurer wants to show how cool and free he is. By posting pics from all the luxurious resorts and white-sand beaches, he shows his ‘interesting’ lifestyle and hopes women will find him a contemporary ‘Indiana Jones’. Travel pics are okay with one exception – too much is no good. If you’re dating on Tinder, I have one piece of advice for you. Never consider anything real until it’s real. Is he taking you out? Do you meet regularly? Is he texting you? If the answer is “no”, then maybe you should consider investing your time somewhere else or into someone else. Men play tinder games. What’s your game?

How to identify: a man holding a sweet kitten in his arms, or a guy posting a selfie with his dog. 

Bio: Animal-lover. 

Men think that by posting a pic with their dog or cat (or even a borrowed one) you will say “oh so cute!” and swipe right. 

While it’s ok to post one pic with the dog, it’s not okay to have a full Tinder gallery of ‘dog selfies”. Woman would spot your good heart when she meets you and not by seeing your cute pets. 

5. PLAY AN ADVENTURER 

How to identify: posts pictures from his trips from all over the world

Bio: a free spirit traveling the world

Adventurer wants to show how cool and free he is. By posting pics from all the luxurious resorts and white-sand beaches, he shows his ‘interesting’ lifestyle and hopes women will find him a contemporary ‘Indiana Jones’. 

Travel pics are okay with one exception – too much is no good. 

If you’re dating on Tinder, I have one piece of advice for you. Never consider anything real until it’s real. Is he taking you out? Do you meet regularly? Is he texting you?  If the answer is “no”, then maybe you should consider investing your time somewhere else or into someone else. 

Men play tinder games. What’s your game? 

The crisis of the third date. Why we fail at relationships?

Why it is so difficult for us to be with someone? Why so often we fail at relationships? The contemporary times are not the times of our grandparents, when all was kept simple.

Men were competing for women and the social roles were clear-cut. Nowadays the relationships can be compared to a visit at a supermarket. You pick & choose what you like. If something breaks, you buy new. We have no time for costly and timely repair, because all we care for is instant gratification.

Do you know the crisis of the third date?

Your eyes meet. Your smiles fly through the space between you. You suddenly make a step towards each other and meet yourselves half way. First date is amazing. Endless talks, physical attraction. So is the second time when you meet. It’s usually on the third date when things start to get edgy. Why?

Imagine a meeting of two beings. One from Orion and the other from the Pleiades. Two different beings coming from literally different worlds, different backgrounds. She doesn’t know if he likes Lindt chocolate with strawberries or the dark 80% cocoa. He does not know what type she is. A hide and seek game. Up to a certain point.

She is a dark chocolate. He doesn’t know about that. What differentiates the dark chocolate type from the strawberry filling is that you can make a delicious mousse au chocolate. But exlusively from the dark chocolate.  It’s, unfortunately, impossible to do it when you have a strawberry one.

You go and buy the strawberry chocolate. You eat it instantly. You know it tastes best when you consume it straight after unwrapping the packaging. It’s the same with men and women. Some are fit for a one night stand whereas the others… Hm.. They tend to include a nice surprise inside. When you go for the dark chocolate, you know that the modern cuisine knows many recipes for delicious desserts that can be made from it. All that you need is some time and effort, before your palate explodes with the unique taste of the mouth-watering mousse…

People have different expectations and different ideas about love and relationships. Sometimes Jack meets Jill and they go in different directions, because they are not compatible with each other. Not a burger and fries case. And sometimes, they are able to leave for Venus, in a get away car. Like a coffee and croissant. Or a platter of meat and cheese. Complementing each other.

Why relationships don’t work?

1. PEOPLE MAKE THE WRONG CHOICES

We know very well what we don’t want, but we are not sure about what we really want… Sounds familiar? The freedom of choice nowadays is so big that you have no idea what you should take. That’s why you cannot take a decision and stay like this for the most precious years of your life. Because you fail to decide if you go for a strawberry filling or a hazelnut one.

2. EXPECTATIONS ARE SOARING LIKE THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING

On Instagram you see dolled-up beauties with D-size breasts and legs like from the catwalk. You see men with 6 packs with no food belly. Then you expect you will see that in the unplugged reality.  Wakie Wakie! The reality is neither a video game nor a porn movie.

3. YING-YANG IMBALANCE

In 2018 men are no longer hunters. At least some of them. My friend has lately attended a date. Sipping her coffee she heard him saying: “I like when women hunt me. It makes me feel good. I feel well taken care of and more attractive“. Hm. She never met him again. The truth is, the women like to be taken. Full stop.

When you are blooming with your femininity and delicacy, men come to you like bees attracted to the nectar of the flower. When you are a masculine woman no man would ever be interested in you, because he would instantly feel that you’re not a flower but more of a bee…

4. ONE MODEL OF RELATIONSHIPS NO LONGER EXISTS

“Why are doing this to me?!” “I don’t love you anymore”. “Get your shit together” – how many times have you been there?

We have as many definitions of what a “good relationship” is, as many people around you. Each one of us has a different view on how a successful relationship should look like. Now, an emerging couple faces the following questions, which in the old times, were considered obvious:

  • do you want to have children?
  • who will take care of home?
  • what country we will live in?
  • etc.

A good relationship is about how you treat the other person. If you don’t know how to show feelings and affection, if you don’t appreciate what you have or you organise your priorites in such a way that your partner is on the 55th position in your schedule then you didn’t get it right.

Cheap thrills or a chocolate mousse?

The choice is yours 😉

With the wishes of finding your dark chocolate,

Plantation of Creativity