Strong women and weak men

How they are born? What makes men weak and women strong?

EQUAL BUT DIFFERENT

According to the family constellations method, the first place in the family belongs to the man.

He leads, builds a house, goes out to hunt and provides food and shelter for his woman. The second place belongs to the woman, who takes care of the internal world – children, home, cooking, and household management.

First and second places are just functions. We don’t talk here about the first as ‘better’ and the ‘second’ as worse. Men and women are equal as sexes but were created to fulfill different functions, thus complementing each other. Yin and yang. Sun and moon. Masculine and feminine.

During the past years, a lot has changed between feminine and masculine roles. Men built a world where there was no place for women. Witches and female shamans were a threat to the men of those times, because of their advanced knowledge. So, men burned them at stakes. Hurting the feminine and cursing women who gave birth to baby-girls.

WAR ZONE

Then, there were wars, like the 1st and 2nd World War, which decimated men. The masculine fell down and didn’t have the strength to get up. Boys were raised by mothers and grandmothers because fathers died at war. Today we have many strong women. It all comes as an aftermath of war. An aftermath nobody ever took into account.

Strong women

Who is a strong woman?

A woman who is focused on being successful in her career?
A woman who can do without a man?
A woman who stands by her partner?
A woman who is feminine? Dressed in a flowery dress, connected to her intuition, loving and caring?

Look closely at her. Look at her mother. How was her mother like? Was her mother feminine? Or maybe she was raised on the anger of her mother, who was left alone after the war with five kids to feed?

Maybe your grandmother ruled in the house because she had no choice. Left alone on the ashes of war with five kids to take care of. This is where the anger on men starts. I’ve seen it many times during family constellations. Women’s anger on men. A murderous anger.

The anger of pain of being left alone with no help of a beloved man to survive. So, the women needed to stand in the men’s place. In the masculine. They made themselves strong and carried masculine burdens of taking on masculine roles.

Now ask yourself a question. An important one.

Do you have a tendency to carry a lot on your shoulders? Do you, as a woman, constantly control everyone and everything? Do you rule in the house, because all needs to be done “your way”?

Or maybe you’re a man and you were raised by a mother who was always pissed on your father? Who always criticized him and dominated him?

Do you remember this moment when as a child you dreamed about leaving your home and being away from the mother who always told you what you should do and how you should do it?

The war is long over. Time to make peace.

Week man

Time to understand that women and men both need each other. We need to acknowledge our incompleteness.

We need to understand that a feminine needs a stable and strong masculine. And masculine needs warm and sensitive feminine.

Look at your ancestors and ask yourself – can I have it a different way than you?

The answer will come. Today is a good day to wake up, see the patterns which existed in your family and break them by deciding that you will allow yourself to act differently.
To be a masculine man. Or a feminine woman.

Aleksandra Bzdzikot
Certified family constellations therapist
Certified art therapist

The Art of Happiness

Do you know how your thoughts drift you away from your fulfilled and happy life? Maybe you always thought that happiness is butterfly which is always slipping through your fingertips?

the art of happiness

I’m not going to give you a definition of what ‘happiness’ is. Each of us has his own definition, which is in accordance with our values and belief system.

Lately, I’ve been watching “The affair” TV series. The main protagonist, Noah Solloway, had it all. A beautiful and loving wife, 4 healthy kids and a cosy home in the city. Yet, he was not happy. Later on, in the next seasons, he divorced his wife, took another woman and had a baby with her. Yet, he was not happy. I won’t spill the beans of how it all ends.

How many of you out there are like Noah Solloway?

Never happy with what you have. Never knowing what you actually want. Not appreciating what you have. Drifting through life insatiably.

HAPPINESS IS ANOTHER FORM OF CREATION. YOU DESIGN IT WITH YOUR THOUGHTS.

Sounds easy, hm? Easy for someone who is well aware of the power of our thoughts and is already using it.

What if, let’s say, you grew up in a poor family with a negative view on everything? What if all your friends around complain about how hard it is to earn well or to meet a good life partner? What if you don’t believe in yourself, because no one else believes in the success of your business idea?

Discover 5 mental habits on how you can create more happiness in your life.

1. PERCEPTION

The first step on your way to happiness is the ability to perceive good things in your life. If you go through your day thinking only about the bad stuff, bad weather, bad boss and lack of money, no wonder you attract it in your life.

Think about the positive things that happened during your day. Maybe someone gave you a smile on the tram or you drank a cup of your favourite coffee?

2. GRATEFULNESS

Every morning, straight after your wake-up, think about 4 things that you are grateful for today. The more positive things you perceive the higher your happiness level 🙂

3. LETTING GO

Let go of grudges ad anger towards people in your life. Are you still angry with your parents that they criticise you all the time? Time to let go. Time to give a hug to your dad and tell him how much you love him. Holding grudges and anger destroys you inside. As soon as you let go, regardless of the other person’s feelings, you find peace and clear off your head from negative emotions.

4. PURSUE YOUR DREAMS

Have dreams. Dare to dream and fulfil your dreams. This can give you so much power when you’re on your way to creating the life you want. You dream about meeting your other half? Then go out more, socialise, have the courage to meet new people.

5. APPRECIATE YOUR ROOTS

Even if you don’t like your family town or you have difficult relations with your parents, learn to appreciate your roots. Your family gave you everything they could. They fed you, educated you and loved you. Yes. Even when they didn’t know how to show this love. You owe them respect. They created you. Thanks to them you could come to this world and experience this life. Learn to appreciate it.

Let me end this post with a quote from my favourite philosopher Marcus Aurelius:

“Very little is needed to make a happy life; it is all within yourself in your way of thinking”

And what’s your view on that?

Let me know in comments.

Perfect Christmas gift that no money can buy.

Whenever I hear “Last Christmas” by Wham at my gym (and believe me, they play it every time I go there) I ponder and wonder about the tons of people doing the evening Christmas shopping, searching for presents for their friends and family.

Fighting for the last pinky lipstick from Chanel and squeezing in between the rows to pick the best perfumes. Did you ever calculate how much time you spend to choose the perfect gifts? Not to mention the look on your face when you check your account balance after all the shopping. Oh yes 🙂

I didn’t wash my windows for Jesus. I didn’t clean my apartment so that it shines like in a hospital. My home is not ready for Christmas. It is not perfectly polished with a huge Christmas tree with Svarovsky Christmas baubles.  I didn’t buy the presents. Some would say “You are a rebel. You are ignoring Christmas traditions!” You know what I answer?

“I am ready. Ready to share special moments with the ones I love and I don’t need presents to show that”.

If you think that when you polish your apartment, cook 10 dishes and buy expensive presents your Christmas is gonna look like from “Home alone” and Coca-Cola ads, then maybe you didn’t take the most important thing into consideration – FEELINGS.

1. DO YOU KNOW HOW TO SHOW FEELINGS AND AFFECTION TO THOSE YOU LOVE?

Christmas is the perfect occasion to do so. For some of you the gifts can be the “love transmitter” . But is there a greater gift than the fact that you will spend some time with your family? Being every day in a rush, living far away, sometimes even in a different country or across the ocean…

When you visit your parents, they really don’t care much about the presents you will bring them. They are just so happy to see you, to talk to you, to be in your presence, to share the moments together. Even if it’s eating, sitting around and watching TV – if you do it together, it means far more than the most exquisite gift you have ever received.

2. SHARING IS THE GREATEST GIFT 

Life is about sharing the moments. Compare when you went alone for your holidays and when you went with your friend/wife/boyfriend etc. Which version do you remember better? I bet the one with the person you either liked or loved.

That time when you ate a crappy meal in a 4-star restaurant, but you had someone to smile to and laugh to. To enjoy a situation, which later turned into something to remember…

You can buy everything in this world except for TIME. That’s why giving time, spending time with the ones you love is the greatest gift of all. You cannot buy it and you have limited amount of it. We all die, don’t we? 

How often do you tell your close ones “I love you”? How often do you spend time with your girlfriend? How many times you take your daughter for a trip? When was the last time you visited your parents?

Another year is coming to an end. We won’t live again in this life. Maybe in another one, yes, with different people around. So maybe instead of spending a couple of evenings hunting for Christmas presents, why don’t we decide to spend some time with the persons who matter for us. No Chanel lipstick or a fancy watch will ever substitute it.

Wishing you a loving Christmas,

Plantation of Creativity Team