self-love

My boss doesn’t give me a raise

My boss doesn’t give me a raise although I work hard. I bet you know this. Have you ever heard about the Tiara Syndrome? It’s a special psychological term used to describe the belief that if you do everything properly, in your job, at home, etc. someone is going to appreciate it and put a crown on your head. 

Sheryl Sandberg cited “The Tiara Syndrome” in her book “Lean in”.

You sit quietly, you do your job the best you can and you think your boss is going to notice that and he will give you a pay raise. Usually, nothing like this happens.

My boss doesn’t appreciate me. He never gives me a raise. 

Check five signs your boss doesn’t appreciate you. So often you heard “sit quiet and do your job and they will notice you”. That’s what I’ve heard. So you sit, work long hours and wait and wait and expect that your time for ‘crowning’ will come. But it never comes. No raise, no good words from the boss but an increasing frustration. 

So many working women struggle with the Tiara Syndrome. 

  • What to do if you notice that your work is not appreciated though you deliver your best? 
  • What to do if you got stuck in your career being on the same junior position for 5 years? 

Take your fate in your own hands. Leave the job. Don’t wait for the crown, because you can wait forever. Stop complaining and cheating yourself. “My boss doesn’t give me a raise, so I’ll prove myself to him and work even harder” – you really wanna do that after spending 5 or 7 years at this job? Sometimes the best solution is to leave.You know you deserve more. Take action to get it. Even if this will mean changing your job. Anyways, you wouldn’t regret such a job with no prospects, would you?

Let’s talk about relationships now. I think Tiara Syndrome can be perfectly illustrated on the example of love relationships.

Sandra met John at a common friends’ party. They exchanged the phone numbers and smiled at each other with a sparkle in the eye. She liked him a lot. “Finally!” she thought. “The man of my dreams”. John’s attitude was a bit different. He said to his best friend: “she’s cool. Let’s see what will come out of that”. What happened next?

They met three times in a cafe, in a park, in a restaurant. Then, Sandra took the initiative and invited him over to her place for dinner. She prepared a menu of 3 dishes plus the dessert and excellent red wine. She put her make up on, the best dress from her closet and thought that this was it. This was the moment she was waiting for. She expected that the guy will be head over heels in love with her. 

Was he? Nope. Do you know why?

The man was no longer interested because Sandra gave herself on a plate. She was too much focused on herself and on giving a lot, and she didn’t ask herself “What is he giving me?” Did you give too much and the man left you?

The same goes for relationships and love. We do an excellent job, looking good, and giving our hearts on a plate to a man. Especially we, women. 

We fail to see and analyze if the man appreciates us and gives us his masculine energy in exchange for our feminine. We wait and hope the guy is going to love us and pamper us later on, but we don’t see the signals saying that we gave too many cookies and fed him too much. Our cookie bakery gets closed, and we finally see what mistakes we did.

What to do about that? 

Start appreciating yourself. Give, but also take. Ask for more and if someone says he cannot give it to you – leave. Don’t be afraid to ask your boss for what you deserve. When it doesn’t function, you know what to do, right?

Overplanned in your free time?

Dominic worked a lot. After work he hit the local gym, worked out, picked some chicken sandwich with guacamole from the supermarket, hurrying up because in Switzerland they close at 21:00. Do you feel overplanned in your free time, like he? 

Mondays pushing at the gym. Tuesdays learning German at the Sprachschule. Wednesdays playing squash with his friend. Thursdays going out for dates in fancy bars and restaurants. Fridays packing his bags and departing for a weekend trip.

Overplanned – stressful consequences

 You might ask: “But what is so strange or inappropriate about it?!”

Leisure stress plantation of creativity

Nothing. But Dominic’s feelings were far from pleasant. He was constantly stressed. He needed to pack the day before, depending on which activity he will pursue on a given day. Then, traffic on the road and stress if he will make it for the date. Busy every day, all the time. After 6 months he took psychological help because he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t focus and he was constantly exhausted. 

Each one of us has free time and it is our decision what we do about it and how we shape it. However, free time means something different for us. 

Martha: “Free time is the time I have when I don’t need to be at work”.

Kevin: “I understand free time as the time when I don’t need to do anything, even cooking or cleaning”.

Jacob: “Free time does not exist. There is always something to do”.

What’s your definition of free time? Why you might experience leisure time stress and feel overplanned in your free time? Let me give you two examples of free time stress.

1. TOO MUCH ACTION

 Like Dominic, you are planned the whole week with different types of activities. You think you can do it, but the weekend comes and you’re dead from tiredness. 

2. TO LITTLE ACTION

You don’t plan your free time and when it comes, you are frightened and stressed about “but what will I do?”.

What to do to avoid leisure stress?
  • Don’t take too much on your shoulders

Let your body relax and recover. You don’t need to hit the gym every day after work.

  • Learn to rest.

Let go. Lay in bed with a book. Sleep. The world will not collapse if you rest in quiet.

  • Be gentle with yourself. 

You are not a machine but an intricate biological computer. You need TIME for everything. It also relates to resting. 

  • Find good ways to relax

Switch off your computer and phone, go out to a forest or a park. Breathe fresh air. Sometimes a change like this can bring the awakening and change.

What of you think you can plan it all and avoid stress? Learn more on the dangers of over-planning.

Did you give too much and the man left you?

Many women contact me and tell me “I gave him everything, I was so good to him, and then he left me. Why did this happen? What’s wrong with me?“. If you overserve and agree for crumbles of love, crumbles of attention – this is what usually happens. Shifting your own plans for the sake of dating. Being too much available and accepting bad manners and bad behavior from the side of men, because you’re „a good girl”.

“Good girls go the heaven, bad girls to hell” – would you agree? Me – definitely not.

ARE YOU A GOOD GIRL?

How it comes that good girls usually suffer? I coach women a lot. And I’ve noticed that kind of paradigm that women want to be nice to the man. They want to offer a lot. They want to be themselves and try too much so that the relationship can work.

So, what is wrong about that?

Have ever wondered why you have offered so much, you have been a good, nice girl, and then the guy dumps you or he is not interested in you. Or he ignores your text messages.

Well, that is the main issue of being a good girl. You are a nice woman. But do you still live according to your values?

THE BIGGEST MISTAKE THAT A GOOD GIRL DOES

A good girl

I think that there are many women out there, who are single, feel lonely or simply want to have a true and loving relationship. And that’s why they’re letting men to overstep their boundaries or to ignore them. And they are being too nice afterward.

Let’s say, that two days ago you’ve proposed a meeting to a guy. To go to a cinema or a café, or enjoy a meal and a glass of red wine. And then you write to him to confirm, that it is still on for the evening.

And then the guy texts you back the very same day the meeting is gonna be held. The very same day, during lunchtime the guy informs you, that actually it could have been better if you met tomorrow. And then you think that maybe he has something urgent to do.

But well, you’ve proposed this meeting 3 days ago and he texts me in the last moment to inform me, that he cancels.

And then, like a good girl, as a nice woman you tend to justify him:

„Maybe he has a visit to a doctor, maybe he is tired after work, so I will shift my own meeting and make time for him tomorrow night”.

This is the mistake number one that you do when it comes to shifting your own plans and pleasing another person. This is what you are doing when you’re canceling your own plans only because a guy you’ve been dating says, he cancels for the very last moment. And asks you to make the next day.

So this is about being too much available.

You give yourself, you are so nice that you want to please the guy. And of course, there is nothing wrong with pleasing a guy, but it’s like with cookies, a chocolate or a cake. Piece by piece, you cannot eat the whole chocolate at once. Because then you will feel very bad. On a standard daily basis, you wouldn’t do that. You would take a piece, but not the full one. 

STOP GIVING TOO MUCH

So, imagine.

  • If you are too nice to guys,
  • if you accept such behavior like canceling the very last minute, postponing or texting us the very same they that they cannot make it,
  • if you agree to everything they propose later on, although you’ve already made some plans (or even if your plan was to stay long in bed and read a book you wanted to read), 

Then you give too much.

Too much for someone who is not ready to invest, for someone who is not ready to keep his word, for someone, who cancels a meeting with you the very last moment. 

STOP HURTING YOURSELF

I know that each one of us, women, has been through these moments of being a very good girl. But all I want you to know is that being nice or too nice, or accepting everything means hurting yourself. Because if you are too nice to a guy, you kind of try to validate yourself. You are feeling so insecure inside, that you just want to be good enough, wonderful, and so on. 

But this is not the right way to do so.

First, you need to build up your own self-confidence. Because you need to love yourself the way you are. Being nice is okay up to a limit. And each person has his or her own limits. And of course, we want to be loved and cherished. We want to have a true connection with our partners. And yes, we are ready to invest a lot.

But when you invest your time and energy in someone, just observe if you don’t agree for too much. Especially if the guy cancels or if he does not respond to your requests or emails. 

Recently, I’ve also had a case when a guy texted me and I proposed a meeting under certain conditions. And then he totally ignored the message and came up with something different. So, this shows a lack of respect.

So a lesson learned is that nice women suffer. But not because of the guy. Because of their own lack of self-esteem, self-worth, and self-confidence. Of trusting themselves and not giving too much to the other person.

How to stop criticizing yourself?

We pass by a shop window and criticize our looks. We get up in the morning, look in the mirror and tell ourselves how ugly/fat/swollen we are. How to change that and start your days with positive and loving thoughts about yourself? How to stop criticizing yourself and learn to love yourself instead? I reveal two powerful techniques that can change your life by changing your attitude towards yourself.

In this video we’re gonna talk about a relationship with yourself and how to stop criticizing yourself. Nowadays I see many people who tend to criticize themselves too much. And it is also my case.

Why do you do it? Have you ever asked yourself this question?

I like to observe people. Sometimes I see women who go shopping on a shopping street. And when their passing by a shop window, they take a look at themselves just to see if they look ok.

And we are just doing it every day. But the worst thing is that we always find something that we don’t like.

Like:

“Oh my god, my hair is not so good today”,

“I look a little bit too fat, I need to go on a diet“,

“I could dress a little bit better because this doesn’t suit me“.

And then you go further your way. But what is happening in your brain, is that you tell yourself bad things about yourself, you criticize yourself, you are unable to say: “I look really good! I am a very beautiful woman“.

No, you do quite the opposite.

Instead of appreciating yourself, you look in a shop window or a mirror and criticize yourself for what you think you don’t have (or what you think you have wrong). Like your body weight or your complexion. Maybe your skin is not perfect or your hair is messy – sounds familiar?

  • But is it necessary?
  • Do you need to criticize yourself?
  • Why do you do it?

And the answer is: because you don’t love yourself. And I think that loving yourself is one of the most important things in your life.

Why?

That is a good question. Especially we, women, give our love to the outside world. We tend to love our husbands, partners or children. We inspire others. But then, when it comes to relationships with ourselves – we simply can’t do it. We criticize ourselves. We keep asking those questions:

“Honey, do I look good in this dress? I think that I am too fat, I think, I have put on weight”.

And this is very sad. Also because I know it from my own experience. I’ve also had some issues with the lack of self-acceptance. And it is not a pleasant feeling.

HOW TO STOP CRITICIZING YOURSELF? LEARN MY METHODS

That’s why I want to present you with a tool, with a technique which will help you to stop torturing yourself. It is a small exercise that you can do every day and it doesn’t require extra time or effort.

You can do it at home or each time when you go to work, for shopping or dinner outside. Whenever you pass a mirror or shop window, or in the ladies room at your workplace – take a look into yourself.

Look yourself in the eyes and:

  • Try to tell yourself that you are beautiful.
  • Try to find what are you happy about today with your looks.

Like:

“You know, my hair is looking good today“,

“Those shadows on my eyes are really beautiful“,

“I have a lovely smile, my eyes are sparkling!“.

How to stop criticizing yourself

You will always find something that you like about yourself. So don’t start your day with negative thoughts. Life is all about making choices. And the first choice starts in our thoughts.

If you love yourself, you decrease the number of thoughts that worry you, conclusions that make you harm.

How do you feel when you keep telling yourself: “Oh gosh, I really look fat!“? Does it make you feel good? For sure not.

So stop doing it. Stop criticizing yourself.

The second exercise is for those of you who would like to spend more time cherishing yourself. Every day write down in your notebook what do I like about yourself.

Let’s say:

  • I am intelligent,
  • I am a wise woman,
  • I am very warm,
  • I cook delicious food,
  • I am a beautiful woman.

Try to compile, to pull things you like about yourself. Stick this list to a fridge or a mirror and take a look at it every morning. Instead of looking in the mirror and telling yourself bad things try to read your list, smile to yourself and notice what do you like about yourself at this moment.

Believe me, it is a very powerful exercise. Try it.

And share it with those who need it as well.

I deserve better

Sometimes you are in a hurting and painful relationship but you still decide to stay. You have no courage to leave this person out of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of uncomfortable feelings, fear of allowing yourself for something or someone better. How to beat your fears? How to allow yourself to have the courage to make wise decisions? In this video, I talk about being courageous in a relationship. Standing for yourself. Having the courage to file for the long-delayed divorce or having the courage to say to yourself: “I deserve better”.

In this video, with beautiful scenery of the Swiss Alps, I am gonna talk about the subject of courage. The subject of not only a personal courage, of how to be brave and courageous but also about having courage in relationships.

I deserve better

So many women and so many men don’t have what they wish for. What I mean by this is sometimes you wonder:

„Should I leave this guy if he’s not good enough for me? Should I leave him? Because he’s causing me some trouble, he’s causing me some suffering, he’s not making me happy”.

And sometimes we lack the courage like I did before I came to the Gornergrat.

I have a fear of heights. I am always scared of the mountains and my record was 2000 meters about the sea level. And here we are in Zermatt, Gornergrat train station. Zermatt-Matterhorn is a majestic, beautiful mountain. And of course, I was afraid of coming to 3000 meters above the sea level. To the highest altitude hotel in Europe.

So how was I able to make it? With having fear of heights and open space?

About this fear, I want to talk today.

We all have different fears in our relationships. And we all think that it is better to have someone than to have not. And sometimes maybe you are considering getting a divorce. Sometimes you think:

“Yes, I deserve a better man”, “I deserve a better woman”.

But somehow, you lack the courage, like me here, before taking the little train up, because you may think that it is hard to breathe or uncomfortable.

I didn’t look on the train sides, because it was really going steep up and I have the fear of heights.

So you act the same way:

  • When you think that you cannot do something
  • When you cannot say and go beyond your limit
  • While you think that you don’t deserve a better partner than the one you have.

Yes, the emotions are the same as going up the Gornergrat Bahn to 3000 meters. The emotions are equal to the emotions you feel while wondering if you should leave your partner.

I deserve better

But as soon as you’ll make the decision, as soon as you’ll tell yourself: “Yes, I can do it“, “I am worth it to go up“, to see this wonderful view and beat my fears. Like you can say to yourself: “I am worth it to have a better man” or a woman, or a better, loving relationship.

Then you take the decision naturally, despite fear and despite the fact that it is hard to breathe because of the tears or your blockages. You allow yourself for it like I allowed myself or my emotions while going on the steep, little train up here to the highest hotel in Europe.

Yes, I’ve been there where you are. But I did everything I could to face and conquer my fears.

So how about you? Why don’t you have this courage in your daily life, your daily relationships? Why don’t you leave the guy or divorce him when he is not good for you? When he makes you suffer very much?

You quarrel, you come together, you come separate, you come together and so on.

If you don’t close these doors, no other doors will open. If I would not close the doors of my fears, of coming up to the Gornergrat, I would not be able to make this video and maybe to inspire you to open the new doors for you.

And this is what I wish for you today.

The courage:

  • of going your own way,
  • of respecting your own choices,
  • of making better choices for yourself.

The courage to go beyond your limits.

Thank you,

Aleksandra Bzdzikot

A good relationship – why don’t you have it yet?

When I ask people how they met they start telling me that the time stood still, and they immediately knew that was ‘it’. Love at first sight. However, it was soon gone. A good relationship – learn why don’t you have it yet?

Usually, in these moments I say: “Whoa. Hold your horses. Beginnings are always like the golden age of America. Like the first episode of your favorite Netflix series. Excitement and curiosity. All until the time you both advance to the second series called “Ups and downs” or “Storms and calms”.

relationship equals effort

The love and feelings you get from your beloved are not a gift neatly wrapped in a ribbon that is there to last forever.

It’s rather credit for a foundation on which to build something that matters.
Many couples part in the 5th or 7th year of their relationship. Check the seven top reasons for divorce and why marriages fail after 5 years. Love burn-out. They don’t know why they are together. They look at his or her beloved sleeping in bed, wondering why they decided to start this relationship. Wondering what went wrong and when.

Usually, it takes a couple of years for a couple to part. What happens then? A new love cycle begins. A new partner, butterflies in the stomach and love, that lasts only for some time…

Usually, this pattern of 5 or 7-year lasting relationship have couples who didn’t make it through the “storms and calms” and who forgot to build strong fundaments for a good relationship. They were so happy that they have this person, and they thought that ‘love’ will fix it all. That love will make it work. Unfortunately, love alone doesn’t guarantee a long-lasting relationship. A good relationship does not come wrapped in a ribbon.

Love equals work. Yes. That’s the way it is. I can see your surprised faces now 🙂 Love is always about two totally different people coming together. Different backgrounds, different families, sometimes even different countries. You need to put your sleeves up and dig in to make it work. To build the fundaments for it to flourish.

Is it easy? Rather not. But one thing is sure – Santa Claus brings gifts only to children. The grown-ups make gifts by themselves, thanks to their work, attention, and experience.

Love is never about “meeting the right person”. Even if you meet your Mr/Mrs. Right, there’s still some work to be done.

relationship requires effort

Did you hear about the crisis of the third date? Usually our expectations blur our mind. We think ‘having love’ means the same as taking care of it. There’s a song by The O’Jays – “Now that we found love what are we gonna do with it”. Think for a moment. What are you going to DO with your love?

All fables end with “they married and lived happily ever after”. Real life has nothing to do with a fable. The ups and downs happen even in the happiest relationship. But if you have a strong pillar on which you have built your love, no storm or hurricane will ever destroy it.

Care for your love every day. Just like you brush your teeth. Let it become a habit.

Sometimes love is not enough to make the relationship work. You need other ingredients, just as you build your house not only with your intention but also with various construction materials.

Valentine’s Day is approaching. We are bombarded with adverts of sexy lingerie, heart-shaped chocolates, and red roses. All good restaurants in Zurich are booked out for this Friday evening. People hoard to celebrate love. At least one day per year.

It’s actually a great idea to celebrate love. But maybe without all this marketing. Realizing that each day is a good day to celebrate love. Not only 14th February.

Wishing you wonderful days full of love,

Aleksandra

Being yourself is not easy. Why?

being yourself

Being yourself is not easy, because sometimes we‘re brought up to be someone else, someone, who has to be ‘this or that’. How often did you hear from your parents that you look like your grandfather or that you took on artistic skills after your father who liked to draw in his free time?

If looks and skills are passed on through generations, do you think that emotional problems, relationship patterns, money blockages are not? Then, let me surprise you 😉

  1. Sometimes it all comes from our family tree. Maybe some of our ancestors couldn’t pursue their passion. Maybe others told them “you won’t make a good teacher” or “You won’t be a good artist” plus “you cannot make money on art”. So they gave up their dreams of being themselves for the sake of peace of mind and social acceptance.

Maybe our parents couldn’t be themselves, because they were brought up by their parents according to some unwritten but verbally expressed rules? The behavioral patterns easily get transmitted through our genetics.

  1. Then comes the programming neatly covered under “schooling”. They tell us to go to school, study hard, be a good boy or a good girl. Go to church, believe in God, God will take care of you in the afterlife, fear the devil… They all tell us what to do. Until we reach the age of 18, we are fully programmed. Programmed to be someone. A firefighter, a teacher, a politician, a lawyer, and an IT software developer…

So you go the university, still study hard and land a good job. Congratulations! You’re a lawyer (banker, engineer or whoever) and you’re fully programmed to exist in the society and work like a sheep for the next 40 years.

Wait a moment. Was this what you wanted? Ask yourself a question: did I consciously choose that way? It is important that we feel good at our careers, in our relationships and with ourselves when we look at ourselves in the mirror.

How do you know if you are yourself?

  • You accept yourself fully, including your flaws;
  • You accept your path, the career that you CONSCIOUSLY chose;
  • You take no opinion of others on yourself;
  • You love yourself the way you are.

Look in the mirror. Who do you see there? The product of your parents/society expectations or yourself? 😊

“Being yourself in a world which constantly tries you to be someone else, is the biggest achievement”.

No day is more important than today

Rainy autumn day. Monica sat down on the couch after coming back from work. A pack of Lays Chips of fromage taste was lying near on the coffee table.

The power of the present

She said to herself: “Well, I worked hard today in a job which I don’t like. I deserved these chips.”

A voice in her head asked the same question as yesterday evening: “Monica, what about using this time to build up your own business that you’ve been dreaming of for so long?”

Monica did not reply and ignored the voice. She forwarded her hand to reach for the chips, switched her computer on and started to watch a movie.

No stress. No effort. Just distraction. Imagine it is you who eats these chips and watches a movie. Would you regret it later on?

Regret is one of the basic human emotions. Sometimes we regret small things – that we worried too much, that we didn’t take the number form the girl we liked or that we simply, just like Monica, postponed our dreams and ate chips to cover our feelings up.

It’s normal. Life is not a test from mathematics. We cannot fully prepare for life. We come to our thirties or forties and wonder: “What the hell am I doing in this job?”. Then, still, we sit and watch a different movie every evening and eat chips to console our feeling of being “too late for changes”.

Usually, when I ask people why they don’t do what they dream of, they answer: “it’s not worth it, I am already 35” or “It’s too late. So much time has passed by”.

Yes. It is sad that you lost so much time. You made stupid mistakes. You ate chips and watched movies every single night. This time will not come back.

Looking form this perspective, we can say that today is everything we’ve got. You can either eat your chips and complain about how much time has already passed by or take care that you will lose no more of it.

BE CONSCIOUS OF THE PRESENT MOMENT.

Your future exists only in your imagination and not in a material world. Plus, by the way, you create your future today, at this very moment. This moment is everything you’ve got. When you think about the past where are you? In the present. The same, when you think about the future. Eckhart Tolle speaks about it in his fascinating book “The power of the present”.

MAKE SMALL STEPS TOWARDS YOUR DREAM EVERY SINGLE DAY.

Exchange chips & movie evening into taking action towards your plans. Reorganize your desk. Get rid of stuff you no longer need. Go for a walk. Sign up for a drawing class. Change your job.

Your future depends on what you are doing today. It is not too late to change your profession or learn something new.

At least, when you do it now, you’ll say after years: “Good that I started in October 2019”, instead of saying “Pity, I didn’t start it earlier” when you’ll be 50.

Plantation of Creativity Team

What would you tell to your 10-year-old self?

1. Life is a game Aleksandra. It’s neither a Moroccan bazaar nor an ascetic cave. If you wanna play good learn the rules of the game called Life.

2. Love yourself because you are beautiful the way you are. Don’t listen to your colleagues making fun of your body. Let yourself be.

3. Be grateful for everything you have and the family who surrounds you. These persons might depart any moment and it’s important to love them the way you love yourself. Show them your affection and love. Even if they don’t show it to you.

4. Play, swing and have fun in the playground. The time for books and learning will come later.

5. Each failure is a next step towards your success. Those who don’t make mistakes never grow and never learn. So take your bike again, fall again and learn how to ride!

Don’t give up so fast. Find your magic cone.

Do you know these happy people, always smiling and satisfied with their lives? When you pass them by you think they must have won a lottery or received a pay rise.

The truth is, a happy and contented person who has an enjoyable and beautiful life had to first sail through thunderstorms, get lost in the Amazon jungle and be bitten by poisonous spiders. It didn’t all come easy. In order to become a happy unicorn living a life full of magic you need the courage and motivation to go out there to a sometimes dark forest and search for your pine cone.

A pine cone? What for? You might ask. A pine cone can be a metaphor for whatever you would like to have or achieve in your life. A happy relationship, a loving family, your dream job, being financially free or being one of the best actors in the la la land.

Usually we don’t appreciate the number of attempts we need to take to see the change in our lives. The majority of people try once or twice and when they see that it didn’t work out – they give up and close themselves in the caves of their hearts, where their dreams fade to grey like in a song by Visage.

Angela once told me over a cup of coffee: “You know, I got burned in love so many times that now I don’t give a sh** anymore. I won’t try to find my dream partner, I stop it. Maybe he will find me“.

Right… How many times did you tell yourself the very un-magical word “maybe”? If all you can commit to is “maybe”, then you are not ready to depart for a search and discovery of your pine cone… Putting your happiness in hands of other people is like playing Mario game. Do you remember it? You move on with a click of a joystick, defeat enemies, achieve goals and advance to a further round. But not in real life. Clicking is not living. If you don’t try in real life you are living your dreams only in your head. The more you try, the bigger the possibility of success in finding your partner, dream job or your magic cone in a forest.

Let me tell you a fable about a unicorn who decided to enter a black forest in search of a magic pine cone.

It was a cold and rainy evening. Some snow was still lying on the streets and the rain drops were tentatively falling down from the sky. After the unicorn came back from work it was already 6:30 p.m. and it was dark outside. She had an idea to make hand-made Christmas decorations.  So she decided to climb up a mountain, which was near the place she lived, and go to the forest in search of magic pine cones for her Christmas decor. There she was at the top of the mountain standing by an entrance to the forest and a vast residential area with a nice view over Zurich city.

The unicorn looked around and saw that it was pitch black. How would she spot any cones there? It was like searching in the dark… She had her iPhone with her to shed some light onto a path, but it was a mere dot in the darkness of the night.  At that moment, she could’ve easily given up, coming up with thousands of excuses. “It is too dark to spot the cones“, “Some animals will eat me or harm me“, “I am afraid“, “It is dangerous for unicorns to go out alone at night, especially in a forest“, “I will not find any pine trees on my path“…

She told herself: “Unicorn, if you don’t go now, you will have to go another evening. The conditions will be the same. Moist, dark and snowy. Go for it now. Don’t wait for a better time, because the time is now. Take the chance. See that you’ve made it that far to enter the black forest“.

So she did. She was walking through the dark forest looking around to distinguish the contours of any pine tree, under which she could find some cones. But there were none. She needed to step away from the path and go nearer to the bushes. Full of fear and tired of walking and still searching she said a mantra in her thoughts: “Dear God and the universe, please help me to find my magic pine cones“.

Then, she said to herself “I will find them! I just need to search deeper and try unknown paths to widen my search“. She strolled through unknown parts of the dark forest and after a long and persistent search she stumbled across two very high and big pine trees. She looked down and directed some light onto the mossy ground. “There they are!!! I found my pine cones!”. Filled with joy and happiness she gathered the cones to her orange bag and set on a journey back home. The realisation that she found the magic cones in a dark forest made her feel that everything’s possible*.

The three magic ingredients were:

  • trust
  • persistence
  • patience

This is what made her find her unique cone. And for that night she was a unicone. A being aware of her super powers and potential to fulfil all her dreams.

The unicorn trusted she would find what she was looking for. With persistence and patience for going towards her goal of finding cones she actually made it.

Before you give up on your dream of finding the right partner or starting your business remind yourself the story of a magic unicorn and magic pine cones. There’s a little magic unicorn inside of you that will help you to go through the dark forest to find your magic cone.

Trust. Persistence. Patience.

With best wishes of finding your magic cone,

Plantation of Creativity Team

*the story is based on true events 

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